Endless Reflection of Life

2009-07-02T00:32:00.000-07:00

http://tears-of-the-angels.blogspot.com/

一了佰了

2009-06-27T00:29:00.000-07:00

This is the 100th post of my blog... haha... blogging is fun sometimes... a good way to let everything out... to throw all my troubles into here... to vent my anger, sorrow and happiness..

i never knew i will write for so long... haha... 100 posts... woah..
But there is be an end to everything.

.... i learnt a lot throughout these two years... this blog shows a lot about the 'other' side of me..
all the major changes to my life...

I wanted to do so much but well, sometimes things just doesnt go your way...

much regrets and pain has been recorded in my blog...

yeah , it also has a lot of jokes that bring laughter to hopefully me and you whoever reads my blog...

my life went up and down within this short period of time...

i hope whoever read my blog learn more about life...about cherishing the precious things ard you... and much more about dreams...

i dunno if i will continue to write this blog.... but i dun really have anything particularly interesting in my life for now....

anw thx to all who is a 'supporter' of this blog....
My endless reflection of life is not endless after all...
Hahaha...

Life is a reality and it is something that u can never replay nor rewind.

99th post.

2009-06-23T06:08:00.000-07:00

Finally... going to reach 100 hundred... nvr knew i can write blog for so long... but hmm, maybe i should stop at 100 entry... maybe

Recently, i finally exploded and gave all my man a good scolding... fierce scolding...
i hate to scold ppl... but well they are late... so ...

haha... call me mr nice guy... but i am not...
at least i tink i am not...

tomm will be a Stressful day... today better breathe in more air... cause afraid tomm i will be breathless the whole day... haiz.....

i have transformed totally into army boy... it is very boring but well at least it makes it less painful...

been thinking of life after army...
i am a person that dun lik to work... those that hopes money drops from the sky...HAHAHA.... lazy guy...

Got one 算命师 say i am a 老玩童..... HAHA... he says i will be playing until i am old.... Gd to hear that... but he also says that i will meet with a fire accident when i am 29 yrs old....

hmmm... maybe when i am 29yrs old, i will stay at home for one whole yr and keep away from fire....haha... but i am quite sure by then i would have forgot abt this...

today i just saw this question in one of the display message in MSN... and i tot abt it..
it asks:
' When was the last time when you were very happy?'

i couldnt recall... perhaps the time when i tot i could fulfil my dream of being a comic artist after attending a comic exhibition..

i dunno.... tats shows how pathetic my life have been after entering army...

humans have to keep adapting to changes....Big changes....

i hate adapting... i dun lik to lose the way of life when i got used to it... or lose the person that i gotten used to... hmm watever...

Murphy's Law
Anything that will go wrong, Will go wrong...

i better start believing in this law....

The last second post.....

Hope

2009-06-22T07:22:00.000-07:00

lol... just experienced the first long duty... it was taxing...

a lot of things happened during these few days...

ppl got bitten by dog.... trooper got hit by helmet that fell off a cupboard and he became 'puffer fish'...
worst of all...

one person attempted suicide by swallowing 60 panadols just because he broke up with his gf..
haiz... this world is full of uncertainties.... y kill urself over such matters?.... i dun understand ...

maybe becos one thing can mean nothing to one person but very impt to another... the worth differs...

Interesting ah...

After watching the show 'Aeon Flux', i realised humans are built to hope, built to dream and built to believe...

If we are able to predict eveything, able to live forever, able to turn back time, then....

Our hope is lost , our dreams are dashed and there can be no belief in this world.

We can only live life once, and thats when we start to learn.......

Learn how to hope, dream and believe....

LOL!!!!!

2009-06-14T08:02:00.000-07:00

haiz... recently had a LONG weekend...

but didnt even went out... so bored la...
didnt hav any idea who is free lo... sianz..... stayed at home and SAVED lots of money..

next week, i will be sooooo freaking busy=(...
coming home only one day
ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol...

laugh at this jokes!!!

From the records of the Institute of Mental Health‏

Record I

Patient A: "So how... this book's not bad ya?"
Patient B: "Excellent! Astounding work. No nonsense shit, sharp and concise to the point. But there's a major flaw in this piece of art too many character names to remember!!!"
Nurse: "Hey! Can the two of you. Put the telephone book back to the original place?"

Record II

One doctor asked a patient: "If I were to cut one of your ears off, what will happen to you?" Patient: "Then I will not be able to hear..."
Doctor: "Hmm.. that's normal...So if I were to cut your other ear off, what will happen to you?" Patient: "Then I will not be able to see..."
The doctor became nervous and asked: "Why would you not see then???"
Patient: "Because my spectacles will drop down..."

Record III

IMH has an old lady who wears black everyday, carries a black umbrella and squats @ the entrance to the IMH everyday without fail, rain or shine.
The doctor wanted to administer treatment for her and decided to start by understanding her behavior.
So, the doctor also wear black and carries a black umbrella; squatted outside together just next to her, rain or shine, everyday without fail.
So...days goes by... the two of them squatted side-by-side w/o a single exchange of words for one solid month...
One fine day, the old lady finally broke the silence and asked the doctor:"Err...Excuse me! Are you also a mushroom?"

Record IV

A nurse saw a patient writing a letter. . She got curious and went to take a peek..
But the patient didn't wanna let her see.
Nurse (unable to contain her curiosity): "Who are you writing to?"
Patient: "I'm writing a letter to myself..."
Her curiosity grew and she thought to herself (Why would someone write a letter to himself?)
So she asked again: "So...what's written inside?"
Patient (got impatient): "You crazy ah? I haven't received the letter, how would I know??"

Record V

Two patients escape from the IMH. They climbed up a tree and one of them fell from the tree and started rolling on the ground.
After a while, the patient rolling shouted to the top: "Hey! How come you are not coming down yet?"
The patient on top replied: "No.. no... I can't...I'm not ripe yet"

Record VI

One patient visited the doctor: "Doc...how? I think I'm a chicken since I was born..."
Doctor: "Woah! that's very serious...Why do you only come and seek treatment now?"
Patient: "Because my family needs me to hatch the eggs..."

Record VII

One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH.
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home after unloading the stuff.
He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
When he was about to fix on the new tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain. The truck driver was very sad as he can't fish the bolts up; started to panic.
Coincidentally, one patient walked past and asked the driver what happened.
The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient nonchalantly replied: "can't even fix such a simple problem...no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."
he goes on explaining: "You just have to take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why do you stay in IMH?" Patient replied: "I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"

Finally good life!!!!!

2009-06-07T21:40:00.000-07:00

finally my working schedule changed!!!!!!
haha... dots...

finally i get to stay at home more than 24 hrs...
yay!
lol

but i dun noe how should i use these precious time...

HAHAHA... got time also cannot... no time also cannot... lol

went to watch Blood the last vamp yest...
IT SUX....
dun watch... worse still i sat in the front row.... before the movie starts, there ard 7 ppl at the front row

after a while.....

only left me and my friend...LOLOL!!!
thats how bad it is...
waste my money
HAHAHA

gotta start saving money...
realise i have been spending unneccessary money recently...
haiz...

now waiting for my pay to come in...
and also recently i dun seem to be eating my breakfast, lunch and dinner at the correct times...

furthermore, i became consicious of the food i eat... wan to be more healthy...

wahahaha... i go slack ard and spend my precious time...dots...
and i seriously wan to start learning driving but LAZY....

Laughter can bring away anything.

2009-06-03T21:15:00.000-07:00

HOW THE FIGHT GOT STARTED

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.And then the fight started...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.And then the fight started...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair..
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'And then the fight started...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?''Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.

''My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'And then the fight started...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first."I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."And then the fight started...

.--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'And then the fight started.....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.And then the fight started....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday and then the fight started.....

This is the best of all!!!!!

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.
He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'And then the fight started.....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'And then the fight started ...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"And that's when the fight started.....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?""No," she answered.I then said, "Is that your final answer?"She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."And that's when the fight started....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes.

When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'and then the fight started....

Finally Understand.

2009-05-31T21:09:00.000-07:00

Took me so long to see things clearly.

So long.

i shouldnt have stepped into the dream.

the dream that always remains as a dream

i wait

always

sometimes i just feel so foolish

i always climb out of a trap just to fall into it again

but now i see the meaning

i am glad it mean something in my life

i wonder

i hope i left a mark

yes time prove everything

when you have to let it go

you have to

you did

now my turn

I finally understand.

Peace

2009-05-28T22:22:00.000-07:00

Finally, things in army are going smoothly.... but i cant seem to find time for myself... no mood for a lot of stuff...

every three days... my life is lik rewind and then start again... it is lik a nightmare...sian hor...
haiz..... do two days work... go hm use com... slp... then go out... then go home slp.... then it starts all over again..........

i am lik a 'father' of 25 man... hahaha... gotta take care of them... this is what you call responsibility... HAHA...

i hope i didnt fail as a leader... i don't know why i managed to be an officer when i cant even organise things well...lol...
what exactly does it mean to be mature ?? .. dunno..

The aircon in my office spoil alr and it is so so so so hot... HOT lik a oven with fish tank smell...lol...

poor working condition... have to migrate to other ppl's office to slp and work la....lol....

'Life is a mystery not misery. Don't walk out of my life '

Meant to be

2009-05-25T20:15:00.000-07:00

haizzzz......

Unstoppable.

2009-05-23T01:50:00.000-07:00

My life just keep going on in the same way because of my job...
i tink i am too kind..
too kind to all my man..

finally i see myself growing more fierce on them....

HAHA... someone said before that humans are like cows.. u must smack them hard before they all will move...

In the past , i never thought so... but now i hav to believe that it is true.... to a large extent.....

Haiz...

today came back... so tired... dropped dead on my bed... surprisingly i didnt slp as long as i tot...

woke up after a while...

now my biological clock is totally screwed up...

i eat breakfast at 10 +... then lunch at 3 +.... then dinner at 9+...

slping timing ranges from 10pm to 2 am...lol.....

now i cant even run ... run finish 4 km... my back lik gg to break...

LAO LIAO....

hahaha....

some jokes...

A tourist wanders into the red light district and stares at the ladies behind the windows. He taps on one of the window and asks, " how much?"

"two thousand dollars," the girl replies.

"That's expensive," says the tourist.

"yes," says the girl.
"but it is double-glazed."

HAHAHA!

Joke #2
Harry asks his friend Larry to help him with something."i think the blinker signal on my car is broken," he says.
"Stand behind the car. When i turn it on, tell me if the blinker's working."

Larry situates himself behind the car while Harry gets in the driver seat and hits the blinker.

" Is it working?" he yells back.

" Yes!" yelled Larry. "No! Yes! No! Yes! No!"

LOLOLOLOL!!!!!

Hesitating

2009-05-19T22:46:00.000-07:00

Saying is always easier than doing.

Painful decision...

Two steps forward...

one step back.

i actually have such good imaginary skills that i am able to inject my dream into reality...
half asleep...
my dream happens exactly in the place i am sleeping... i opened and closed my eyes several times in my slp... things in reality and my dream merged perfectly....PURRRRFECTly...

it became so real... i was fooled by my own dream....how stupid...

for once, i tot the wonderful dream becomes reality....

incredible... first time, i wan to to go back to my dreamland...

i am impressed.

dun noe y.... i actually keep thinking even though i dun wan to...

i am not worthy... i see my own incompetencies and weaknesses... but i cant do anything...

No man is infalliable, including me.

Thinking..

2009-05-17T07:28:00.000-07:00

I dun really understand how things are going in my life...
very confusing...

one moment clear...

one moment not so....

haha... recently still the same old busy stressed days...last mins changes has made my life very stressing at some point...

Today went out with the Rec choong mh and mj... went amk hub to eat and then....errrr.... arcade... lol...

another failed plan of mine...

Today is on a wild goose chase... i nvr travel so much on mrt with a day lik today...haha

Finally went to plaza sing with my gd fren and stayed there to play piano... lol...

forgot a lot of songs i used to play... lao liao...

haha....

hmmm simple joy... nothing much...

Too close?.... dunno menx...

Wanna learn how to play piano properly....

tired sia... cant think properly... yawnz....

HAI YAAAAA!!!!!!!... i want a break from my hectic life....

Love---> Marriage

2009-05-11T03:28:00.000-07:00

Went to my cousin's wedding these two days... watched another couple getting together... makes me wonder about how ppl finally decides to be tgt forever... they always says Marriage is the cementery of love... HAHA... how true??...

A lot of things happened... wasnt a smooth sailing wedding but still went thru quite well...

everytime i go back to my grandma house, i will be overwhelmed by kids...haha... not say i dun lik them... i dun hav their ' undepleted' energy..haha...

i even try teaching one of them ' if you r happy and you know, you clap ur hands...'

HAHA... wasnt an easy task though...

patience...

anw i saw this on a transparent box on a closet in my grandma house...
" True love is lik a jig saw puzzle,
The pieces will find themselves if they are right for each other."

cool... haha

ok...

a wedding joke...

The groom sang in high spirits to the bride, "月亮代表我的心" during the wedding..
The bride was touched by his sincerity...

BUT

A few yrs down the road, the groom sing in sorrow, "我承认都是月亮惹的祸...."

HAHA

Kind of true sometimes....lol...

Distance.....

2009-05-08T06:02:00.000-07:00

i am far away from the place i wan to be..

far away from the goal i wan to achieve

far away from the dreams i hav...

i gotten very used to life that i cannot control...

Distance that i can nvr cover..

haiz... tired...

i really hope i can make life more interesting... AND simple.....

suddenly i miss the crazy things that i do in school with my frens....

climb school fence to get out during sports day... climb the roof top of the school....

read comics in lesson... draw and draw in lectures...

play piano in lecure room before other ppl lectures start...

save cats from a sea of furnitures (skipped math lesson)

HAHA....

go ka jiao other ppl in school uniform...HAHA

play basketball in school uniform until whole uniform wet...

catch spiders, lizards, praying mantis..... play pokemon, yu gi oh cards..

many more which i cant rmb...

crazy but fun... din knew i was so naughty la... so now u noe i am not the 'good' student that the teachers tot i am...shhh dun tell them...

dotss.... HAHA...

i wanna go out to see the world ( and dun hav to worry abt money)...

yea menx...

Virgo horoscope
Listen to your instincts today, especially if you don't have the answer to a tough question. The best response is likely to admit the truth - that you don't know, but you'll get back to them asap with the answer. You don't have to know everything.

this... i hope is true...

i wish i dun hav to noe everything... but ppl expect you to...

and some things i dun wan to noe... ignorance is bliss la...

hahaha

Quote of the day:

Life is Not a game, u cant ' insert coin to continue'....

Somethings just cant replay.....

Once... , Forever...

Tied down by work

2009-05-04T23:47:00.000-07:00

i need time to do my own stuff!!!!

army is lik taking away most of my precious time...

i just keep working working... for no gd reason....

sometimes i tink the things that they do are pointless... totally lik living in their own small world...

i saw how menacing the outside world is lik.... now my army vocation is lik working...

Ppl do backstab you or accuse of something u nvr do .... all because they want o cover up for their own mistakes...

i just hate being the victim....

worse of all.... my job 'looks' simple...

many ppl say they wan my job... come on ... take it menx...

how i wish can quit army...HAHAHA

now i lost my inspiration for drawing... again..

serious.... i need some breathing space...

HAHA...now i need this...

haha... REWARDS!!!!!!!

how i just love the good old days....

wanna go out with my frens.... guess what a few days ago, i went out with my pri sch frens whom i hav nvr met for 7 yrs!!!!!!!!!!!

7 yrs!

all of them still ard the same though.....

which is gd... HAHA ... i was stunned when i saw ard 20 of them... cant rmb the names at first... well u cant blame mi... my memory not that gd....

hope that happens to my sec school frens too...

i wan to organise outings too...

but how can a person who doesnt hav time to go out to go plan a outing????

it will always fail de....

plus i Mountain Tortise... a lot of things also dunno... how to organise....

=p..........HAHA

Tired and Drained

2009-05-01T22:00:00.000-07:00

i am so tired... work and more work... woke up by a call three am in the morning and was notified to work... then subsequent calls came and i nvr really slept... haix.....

so many things in mind... i am slogging my life out ....

Working on labour day is so sianxx lo....

My working hours is draining my energy.... i feel so tired....

Tired.

Last Bedtime story

2009-04-29T06:36:00.001-07:00

Upon request, i hav to write a blog entry... lol....

i dun noe to write....
perhaps a bedtime story...

maybe u seen this story before...

This story tells us something about LOVE & LIFE.

My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why? " he asked, shocked.

"I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world !" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man who was not able to even express his predicament, so what else could I expect from him?

And finally he asked me: "What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right... It's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: "Here is the question. If you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind.

Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death. Will you do it for me?"

He said: " I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but....please allow me to explain the reasons further.....

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city. I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month. I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes. I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand...and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the colour of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die ...

" My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... And as I continue on reading... "Now, that you have finished reading my answer, and if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...

I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's LIFE, and LOVE. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms; even in very small and cheeky forms. It has never been a model. It could be the dullest and most boring form ...

Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... AND THAT'S LIFE

i never wanted to leave...nor let go.. i choose to move on only when you want me to...

i hope u can find happiness w/o me.... truly...

saying and doing are two separate things...
i am also very puzzled...
dun noe how exactly things are supposed to be...

i wanted to tell u so much but...
i can nvr tell you.... i am tired of hiding all the things...

all this while, you hav been a driving force behind all my stuff i do...

a simple msg from you is a very amazing motivation for my army days...

i wanted you to attend my social night, comms parade and comms ball because i tink you r part of the achievement i made...

i wanted to bring you on Singapore flyer and let you 'touch' the stars...

i wanted to bring you to ice skating so that we can glide tgt hand in hand....

i wanted to sing with you cause you hav a beautiful voice....

i wanted to fold hearts for you and keep in a glass bottle...

i wanted to buy skimo bubble tea for you when you want it.....

i wanted to give you a hug today but i just cant do it..........

there is more i wanted to do
... But... somehow it just wont happen...

now there is only one thing that i want...

i want you to have the man that is in the story.... no less...

i will move on.... yes. and dun worry, i will be fine...

A walk of life

2009-04-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

Recently, quite a lot of things happened... haha...
Very troubled...
and very busy....

Finally everything seems to be solved and yet not...
i also dunno wat to do... the more i tink, the more complicated it will get...
haha... so i stopped tinking...

life becomes simple...

i just realised as we grow up, we start to understand things and then u realise the world isnt as simple as it looks...

then we start to worry...

and then we fear....

things we used to do naturally , we think twice and nvr do it again..

you become conscious of wat ppl tink of you...

u noe the world is realistic and everyone is fighting for 'survival'...

Backstabbers,liars,losers,hypocrites.....

soon u inherit their traits to survive...
or u lose the joy in doing stuff u lik cause u r aware of them and constantly look out for them...

then u r afraid to let ppl tink the same of you....

haizzzz....

when we were young, nobody thinks so much...

Innocence and simple minded...
if only the world is full of such ppl, it kind of solves all the complications in this world...

BUT... humans are selfish... cant be helped... those that r not will lose out eventually...

Rather than all chooosing not to be selfish, us humans chose the other side(all selfish)...

kudos to all that remained selfless...

The walk from woodlands MRT station to Sembawang MRT Station was a little 'crazy'... but somehow the 'out-the-box' idea to walk that far becomes pleasant and fun...

yes...

somehow i just find myself in a very complicated state... my life is full of complications... i did'nt find the complications, they found mi...

i am lik riding on a wave... up and down... up and down... interesting i would say... but sometimes i am tired of facing all this....

one day the wind will stop, the wave will cease to be a calm surface... (when sia?)

HAHA... i am looking forward to the day where everything happens the way it should...

Not 50 yrs down the road pls....

lol.

Anw take note, now got zhu liu gan = SWINE FLU....

it is deadly.... be careful wor...

see see...

Told you all not to make fun of the pig... now they r taking revenge...

they r fighting back...

HAHAHA.....

harrr..... tired.

The Wolf and the Moon.

2009-04-21T05:12:00.000-07:00

Every night, the lone wolf roams in the dark forest, seeking for something. He don't know what he was looking for but he knows something was waiting out there for him. He never rest.
One clear night, he went to the lake to have a drink after long hours of roaming. Then he found what he was looking for. The Moon.

Among the million stars, the translucent moon shines brightly and stood out from the stars. The beauty was reflected on the water surface, forming the most breathtaking scene in the world. The wolf fell in love with the Moon. Since then, the wolf stays by the lakeside every night and told the moon about everything he knows. The wolf did not dare to drink the lake water, for fear the large ripples will destroy the moon. He confide in the Moon and she became his best friend. He paws at the water lightly, wondering when the moon will come out and talk to him. He waits patiently and was content just staying beside the reflection every night.

On the day of eclipse, little did he know about the truth that tat night, his best companion was going to disappear before him. As always, he came to the lakeside to find his beloved. He bowed his head and looks at the reflection. To his horror, he saw a shadow slowly devouring the moon. He panicked. The wolf paced along the lakeside anxiously, not daring to jump in. He snared at the shadow, wishing that it will leave her. As the time goes by, the shadow envelops more and more. The wolf was lost and desperate to do something before he loses her. He saw the last glimmering light from the moon and hesitate no more. The wolf dives into the lake, hoping he could save her from the shadow. He thrashed wildly at the water. What a futile effort. The wolf howls in despair as the Moon was gone.

The wolf steps out of the water and try to shake the water off his body. His vision was blurred by the water. But no matter how he tried to shake the water off, he still had water in his eyes. It was tears that covered his eyes. His eyes no longer lit up with the moonlight. He blames himself for the tragedy that happened to the moon.

The next night, he came to the lakeside again. And he saw the Moon!
Delighted, the wolf paws at the water and hopes that he could get to her. He lifted his head and saw the moon in the sky. Waiting no more, he dashed up the tallest cliff and hopes to get as near to the moon as possible. He was afraid that he will lose her once more. He howls deeply in the night sky as he pines for the Moon.

Every night at the top of the cliff , the wolf howls with sorrow to the Moon that he can never reach out to.

They can never touch one another.

Never.

If i had'nt exist at all...

2009-04-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

i dun noe.

Character.

2009-04-18T04:26:00.000-07:00

Recently took this personailty test....

it is quite accurate sia... well.. below explains 80 % of my character....

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

AT first i dun believe it is so accurate... then i clicked on the 'hidden talent' test...

this is wat it says:

The Artist

You love freedom and want to follow your heart's desires. You might not be at your best when dealing with other people. Once you are given the opportunity to work your chosen way, your gift will shine. A tip for you is not to concentrate too much on your own work, but widen your focus and consider the opinions of other people.

hahahaha.... impressed....

go try it out... then tell mi ur result....

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Talent.

2009-04-16T05:26:00.000-07:00

haha... saw the video of American got talent.... well... talent is a gift to someone...
hmm ... i admire those who develop their talent...
it just take one moment or one person to realise that talent, it is a very big accomplishment for the person...
some ppl make their talent known to the whole world and they become famous...

how i wish one day i join their league...
haha... dreaming....

recently i am on course... i am not allowed to divulge anything at all.... haiz...

i am a person who can keep secrets if i really wan to....

haha... tat makes me the most trustable person and the most untrustable person...

contradicting isnt it...

how well u understand mi....hmm...that why i say it takes more than just knowing mi to know mi...

HAHA...

i am kind of a screwed up person.... it will take quite a while for ppl to realise that...lol!!

i really hope i can be the person that i wan to be... i am trying...

i will stand by you too... for as long as i could.

Laugh..=)

2009-04-15T06:00:00.000-07:00

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: getting laid

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Hope u hav a good laugh....=)...

Recently ... keep thinking... thinking abt a lot of stuff... tat usually happens when it is too sianz....haha....

since young, i always daydream... still rmb i hav been scolded by teachers frequently for daydreaming... (they wrote in my report book also lo)...lolol...

i can really stare straight at you and tink abt totally other things and ignore you...hahaha....

usually the daydreams are nonsense and too good to be true...

the dreams are often the furthest from reality...

the more i tink it happens tat way ... the more it wont..

so sometimes i rather i dun dream abt something tat i wan it to happen...

But somehow i cant stop it from happening....

dreams remain as dreams....

haha...

SO....

Now i am trying not to think at all..... hopefully it works.... watever that i wan it to happen will...
haha...
(aye dun say i am naive ok)...LOL!!!

And recently i realised i have been letting the ugly side of mi manifest...

hmm... trying to stop myself from that...

best solution: dun do anything.....HAHAHA....

Take Flight

2009-04-13T23:16:00.000-07:00

The fighter jets zoom past with deafening roar... the ground vibrates under my feet... i look at the sky that seems so wide that horizon doesnt seems to exist anymore.... haha... the world is so big....

Everytime we meet someone in sg that noes a lot of your frens, we say: ' Hey,wat a small world la!'

just how true is tat menx...

there is too much we dunno... too places we will nvr step into... too many ppl that we wont see even when we live in the same world....

haha..

i heard before... in this world, due to the limited permutations of DNA, there are 6 persons in this world that look exactly lik you....

haha... seek out all yours twins and tat will be so cool... lol...

see ... the world is SO huge... i dun even noe wat i dunno...haha

i want to travel to japan someday... i find their language very...hmmm... interesting and pleasant.....

it will be a land of inspiration for mi.... haha...

....

Recently, my army working hours starts to take its toll on mi...
exhausted.... start to lin hun chu qiao...haha.... my soul fly away...----(x-x)------

now gg on course... 8-5 ... but very far away from my house...

hope it is less straining...

It is those little imperfections that makes us beautifully perfect to the ppl we love.
(yay! i am imperfect.)

知足。

2009-04-08T01:05:00.000-07:00

I watched shinjuku incident... a tragedy and gruel movie...
i really feel 'ouucch' when they chop off the hand...
i nvr knew how it feels to lose any parts of ur body.... i try imagining and Woah.... painful...

anyway apart from the gruel part... i picked up a philosophy from the show...

One of the lines goes lik this( not exactly same) : ' Once, humans were living for the mere purpose of getting proper food and ensure life goes on.... As time goes by, we saw what others have and what we dun hav... desires start to grow... we are never content since then...'

we should see what we hav....

能知足的人最快乐。

haha...

Life is not about how much we can get but it is how much we can give.=)....

2009-04-04T23:55:00.000-07:00

http://www.imeem.com/bananabongs/video/jY7_gPpH/boa-boa-key-of-heart-korean-version-music-video/

On and on...

2009-04-04T23:08:00.000-07:00

Recently, life has been really slack... i sit in camp, watching tv and watching every seconds and minutes pass by.... somehow, life just goes on without wind nor storms....

i watch a commercial abt a movie--17 again.... suddenly i got back the feeling that life just doesnt goes back to the past... we cant turn back the time and there is no reset button nor 'insert coin to continue'....

Some mistakes made is forever... some things u regret not doing... u will regret for the rest of ur life...

Some things are lost then u realise how impt they are... i watched Break up ( a long long ago movie).... i was wondering wats the ending will be...
well... they didnt go happily ever after tgt.... thats is reality...

Why does everyone always learn how to treasure when they start to lose things and people ard them??

make mi emo... the stupid movie...haha

today i went to eat fastfood alone... i prefer to be alone sometimes...

sometimes ...

Cycle..

2009-04-02T05:38:00.000-07:00

Life is amazing... i see history repeating itself in the most atonishing way.....
i just did something i did 4 yrs ago...
it wasnt a gd ending...
wonder if this time it will be the same....
haiz.

Comms ball

2009-03-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

Another Big function.... yet boring....the MDC ppl were......
haha...
it was an event with lots of people... so crowded...

I wasnt gentleman enough i tink... cause a lot of inconveniences to my date..
so sry for that... she almost fell sick... haiz

took a lot of photos.... the videos played during the dinner were memories playback...
i will miss the ocs days... actually i miss the frens i made there...

this comms ball was a nice formal event...
Oh ya..... an interesting incident!... i was waiting for my date under my block...

then my fren came to fetch his date who lives in my block.....

he came in a cab and was waiting under my block...

so my date came and tot i was in that cab...

SO.. well the incident happens...

she sits in the cab and the cab almost drove away...

then she realise the person was not mi...

then my fren's date( my fren too ) also came down...
then ya big hoo ha...

wat a unique way to noe each other..

then we took the cab tgt...HAHA...

LOL!

Wat to type leh...

2009-03-27T06:14:00.000-07:00

today is a dun-noe-wat-to-do-day....

hav been rather slack yet tired recently...

just knew BoA had new songs... ha..... she is the best hip hop dancer in world....

i am refering to girls only....

haha....

i realised sometimes things really go the opp way when both person are not meant to fit...

just lik lock and key hypothesis...HAHA...

i am looking for keys or key...

my officer rank has a total diff meaning now

... it does not reflect power, privileges and authority..

but it signify a new responsibilty,consequences and expectation...

we do not think for ourselves anymore... it is abt others, ur man and ur superior...

the world doesnt revolves ard u...

u hav to make things happen...

everything that happens in my workplace is REAL... and somebody hav to take the shit.. and thats where officer comes in... we THINK ... and we ACT.... nobody but us...
tats how i am learning... (maybe thats y so shag) HAHA

=)side note... comms ball tomm...

New life

2009-03-25T05:19:00.000-07:00

my life is changing... again
now i will be doing "permanent" guard duty...
boring life...
must find the motivation in mi....
and make it more interesting.....

now i dont really want to write a lot...
till i found another dream to pursue.....

time is the factor.....

some interesting facts..
- 2Lt is not that high ranking
-with privileges comes responsibility
-with slackness comes consequences..
-things always always happens the way they wan to...
- to strike a balance is the key to managing ur life

i am still in a culture shock stage...

need some time to accustom...

COMMISSIONED LO!!!

2009-03-22T02:24:00.000-07:00

threw in the peak cap into the rainbowed sky
my three white bar vanished and became a black bar
it felt more like a dream, no... it is a dream came true
the parade took us two weeks to practise but ended in less than two hrs
my 6 mths in ocs is concluded in a single day
i am now.....

AN OFFICER .

6 more days....

2009-03-14T20:18:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHA.... finally can count with fingers to the day i hav been waiting for sooooooo long...
i am really happy.... but that is something in me that doesnt seems too happy...

maybe because i hav to leave the place that i hav gotten used to...

maybe i am leaving my comfort zone....

or maybe i miss my frens there....

it is just another drastic change..... haiz... my life is gg another roller coaster ride....

nevertheless, i am ready to try my best at the new challenge...

oh ... no 'try'.. i mean do...hahaha

it has been a long way since i reached... i hav learn a lot of stuff.... i hav tried a lot of things...but somehow i kind of miss my civilian life after so long... i miss spending money freely without considering if i am gg to need that money somewhere else.... i miss gg to town areas.... i miss having fun with my frens.... freedom isnt free....

Apart from that,

on 21st of Mar, I AM GG TO COMMISSION........yooooohooooooo

i got my beloved sword le!!!!!!!....... got my name carved on it also....... so beautiful............love it man..... so delicate that i dun really dare to touch it too much... scared i clumsy then drop it or scratch it.. haha.

i hav been posted to a place where i dun really lik la.... guess being a PC there life will be sianz.... but i hope no screw up from me.......

6 days... to the day where responsibilty falls on me.... where life reaches a turning point... where i am no longer the man i was...(hope so)

"The day that i disregard death, then truly i have no fear in me."

Fate, Future , Flow

2009-03-06T22:53:00.000-08:00

Today is one of those impt post i gg to blog... it is gg to be another lesson that i hope everyone can take away... philosophy of mine... it is something that happens to me and make me understand how to handle life in a way that it should be....

Lets start with wats happening in my monotonus life in army first... haha... recently my platoon compete in a PAC competition... wonder wat is PAC izzit??.... PAC stands for Platoon Assualt Course.. it is a gruelling and extremely demanding course where u have to run / fast march 4 km with full battle order 'FBO'(heavy load) with Rifle AND carry a stretcher with two full water containers(3 or 4 litres each) with ur platoon... THEN u have to clear the standard obstacle course with FBO, with rifle, WITH the bloody stretcher... then run another 800 m to the shooting range... after which u have to shoot at 100m range and then run/ fast march another 4 KM with the same equipment and the heavy stretcher back after that... .Timings of each platoon will be noted and compared to see who wins....Siao rite?? ( for those who understands how tough this is)

the day that the competition was held, i was sick... ( whew... i tot i was lucky)... BUT it then postponed to the next week... looks lik i cant run away from it... haiz

Two days before the competition starts, we did a rehearsal and we did ard 3km fast march+running and cleared the standard obstacle course and then ran back... I nearly collapsed... it was So godamn tiring... i almost hope my lungs are oxygen tanks... i almost felt lik dying of exhaustion... thats when fear really sets in me...

once again, the chance to fall out of the PAC came again, they say each platoon can send lesser ppl to go.... without hestitation , i wanted to fall out... but i tink twice... i was really afraid of falling out of the course halfway which will affect the score of the platoon.... i really dun wan to drag them down... the platoon wanted to win so badly... so so badly... i also wan but i doubt myself... i look at them and i see no fear in most of them...

the night before the PAC starts , i was so troubled over whether i should fall out so as not to drag them down and do myself a favour....

Then something inside me tells me that heaven is testing me... it is a test of courage , determination and confidence... it tempt me again and again to fall out...

tat night, i decided that i hav to do it... for myself and for the platoon...

i hav to overcome my fear ...

i hav to push my limits...

realising how dangerous it is, i wrote all my worries down tat night and i forget about all my fears.. and i am ready... to take the challenge... i hav to believe and trust...

In MYSELF....

Speech by one of my platoon mates just b4 the competition starts..
'It is not about how big sized and how strong we are, it is about the inner strength in us... It is about who wants it more... IF... if you are shag, you look into the eyes of the guy beside you... if he is not giving up, why should you?' With that , i fought with no fear at all... Everyone is determined to win.

i pushed and endured throughout the PAC...pain and exhaustion... sweat and intensity... i saw undying fighting spirit and teamwork in its true form.... tired to the MAX....... but we never give up.. never fear... never falter at all...

then...

with this,
WE WON THE PAC !!!!!!.... we were the fastest platoon and we won .. the pride and honour at that moment was.... haha.... Wonderful....

But i already won the moment i hit the finishing line....i have passed my own test.. i am stronger than i tot... my fear is unfounded... i am confident now... my fear has made me weak and doubtful of myself before..

It may sounds a bit ridiculous.. but it is truely a significant step that i hav taken....

it is all about the inner strength in everyone's heart and mind.... fight yourself and then fight the rest...

One day after the PAC, i have nights out and i watched 'Push' the movie.... the story is about special ppl that have extraordinary ability... then i realise from the movie that
'the future will keep changing mostly because of the minor details in life and the decisions that you made at a point of time'...

i made my decision that night to paricipate in PAC and thats changes my future isnt it?... i became a more confident person after it...

Then i was enlightened... dun laugh .. i am serious.

I realise everyone is changing their own destiny all the time through the smallest thing they do... the purpose in life is not trying to make things ard you go the way you wan them to... it is to follow the flow of life and do your best in everything.. everything that is meant to happen WILL happen ... we can mould our fate but we cant change it..... it is not about ur life .. it is about YOU!!!....
this is the thing i want you to learn ... cause i just learnt and sadly i will forget it soon... inevitable... humans are built this way...

the PURPOSE in life is to follow the flow of ur life and see where it leads you to...
the future is gg to change and change because of the minor decisions you make in life...
dun force things to happen cause it wont if it is not gg to... do you feel that sometimes the more you try to win, the worst you do , the harder it seems to win....
the change is in you... which then change the future or fate you have..
follow the nature course of life...

it is hard to explain...

My point is not to worry and fear the future because everything is gg to happen the way it meant to be... follow the flow and mould the future by changing yourself and making the right decisions with no fear... u understand wat i am saying...

i hope you do.... i find the need to write all this down cause i am just following what my heart tells me... i have to share this so that more ppl can benefit....

from now on, i will not force things to happen, but i will leave it all to fate... and just do my part with no fear and doubts.... it applies to everything...

i have to learn how to rise from failures and not how to stop failures and only focus on successes...

i noe quite a no of my frens have did badly in A lvls... dun worry and follow the flow of life and instead try to improve yourself ....hav no fear nor doubts in yourself... you must have the determination... to do well in everything you do....anything.....

i noe some of you may not understand wat i am saying.. just forget it and just do what u deem fit... i am serious ,because maybe you are not meant to understand the way i do....

it is something i cant explain fully in words... i noe most of you will find mi or wat i have wrote is weird... i cant do anything about that...

i am who i am in my life because it is meant to happen that way...thats my mission on earth and purpose in life... Be myself and follow the flow of my fate...

Piano

2009-02-28T04:51:00.000-08:00

forgot to add... go youtube see the dao xiang piano video... so nice!!! the side panel of my blog got put.... and i tink my tag board is down... (at least no more irritating commercials) haha.... so if u wanna comment .... just directly comment on the blog entry...haha....

I AM FINALLY COMMISIONING!!!!!

2009-02-28T03:51:00.000-08:00

Took mi so long to get here... i finally got my way to joint term... unbeliveable!
i always look at joint term cadets and tot how good if i can be lik them... and now i am...
haha...
not much feeling ...
but it just lik getting to a mountain peak without knowing.... u r there and it just doesnt feel lik it... because u try too hard to get it... then the process becomes more significant than the destination....
lol....
i dont even noe how i got thru it...
maybe one day i take one step back and then i can see the whole picture properly...
hahaha...

just 3 more weeks...

hope i dun screw it up.....haha... many ppl may not see how significant is the commisioning..

because they don't noe wat i went thru...

not just tough training... cause i doubt myself.... then this proves that perserverance and determination has got mi this far...

nvr give up on ur dream....

HAHA.... maybe i am just lucky or maybe it is just fate...

i still wan to thank those ppl who help mi along the way ... without their encouragement, i will be nowhere... true frens indeed...

wat the hell.... a lot of ppl say my blog very emo..... ya i noe la.... but tats the only thing i am gg thru... emo times..... haha....

alright will try my best to make it better...=)...

( just a side note: i am not an optimistic person) hardly tink on the bright side of life....

i went three nights out in a row... went to Jurong point three times.... wow... thats IS an acheivement in ocs... lik tat more pro than SISPEC... the nights out continuous...

haha...

i am sure looking forward to the day i hold the SWORD.....MUAHAHAHA...lol...

Inspiration+devotion= talent?

2009-02-22T04:31:00.000-08:00

A lot of ppl were curious how i can draw well while they cant... the next qn they ask is whether i learnt art when i was young... the ans is No...
Well dun envy mi, it is because of how ur life goes....
my inspiraion was driven by boredom and daydreams.... i am a mommy boy and i stayed at hm most of the time ... so that drives an passion to daydream and then put them into pictures of thousands words....
then i devote my time to put that inspiration into visuals... thats creates talent isnt it... haha....

then lets talk about benefits of boredom..

from the article 'The Joy Of Boredom' by Carolyn Johnson

"To be bored is to stop reacting to the external world, and to explore the internal one. It is in these times of reflection that ppl often discover something new, whether it is an epiphany about a relationship or a new theory about the way the universe works"

(just lik in facebook, it is only when u r bored, then u write the 25 random things abt you and then you realise some hidden things that u hav nvr take note in ur life, isnt it....)haha...

lastly...

"Boredom is an essential human emotion that underlies art, literature, philosophy, science and even love."

now i am trying to make my blog more interesting... boring huh ...

haha...
ok for the humour part... let mi share as much jokes that i hav seen or created thru my blog.... i wan to a smile to your face...haha...

kids jokes=.=

1.When my five year old son, John tried to open a medicine bottle himself, i told him he wouldnt be able to open the childproof cap.He responded,"How does the cap knows if i am a child or an adult?"

2.The relief teacher asked a four years old kid what his name was. "Spiderman" said the kid.
" No , i mean ur real name," said the teacher. The kid apologised." Oh i am sorry. It's Peter Parker."

3. One day, my son walks to me carefully and held out a hand with a bug on it. He asked curiously,"Dad, what bug is this?" I took a quick look and replied,"Ladybug."
My son gave an amazed look and said, "Wow Dad, you hav impressive eyes!"

LOL!!!! rite?

lastly i will lik to end with quotes about *ahem* love... haha

"The greatest thing you will ever learn is just love and be loved in return."
(From Moulin Rouge Ewan Mcgregor)

" I cant make you love me if you don't. I cant make your heart feel something it wont."
(From ' i can't make you love me' Bonnie Raitt)

"Of course I Like You. Its because i like you i don't want to be with you. It's a complicated emotion."
(From Finding Nemo, Albert Brooks)

" Love is about sharing ur happiness with someone whom you wish her to be happy. Through this sharing, you learn your value in living."
(From the most clever guy, Tan Xiang Ren.)

HAHA!...

tat ends my blog...

P.S: i wrote this in a feverish state... kena some throat infection...lol...

Honour

2009-02-19T16:20:00.000-08:00

haiz.. feel so empty .... in army really very sianz... ur life is just a cycle... same things repeats over and over.... but maybe thats how ppl cant forgot army days...
ahhh away from this emo stuff.... oh i gonna commision soon... haha... i did things i haven never ever expect myself to be able to... i managed to pass jcc.... managed to get marskman( shooting)... manged to walk 32 km... managed to get gold for Ippt.... and mi in ocs, gg to commision....
it is a distant dream when i first entered army... i rmb after BMT, that dream vanished.... i tot i will just follow what fate brings mi to...
but somehow, if u believe in it, it will happen...
'Believe' is a very powerful tool...
tats how i accomplish things.... but somehow i always lose that faith at some point in time... and tats how i fail??? hahaha

Another lonely valentine?

2009-02-14T06:32:00.000-08:00

i have nvr celebrated valentine's day b4... ya i noe it is pathetic....but wat to do...
nvm... used to it alrdy...haha
every valentine's day is so lonely....
this yr... the same thing almost happen again... i was prepared to rot at hm... (u all must be tinking i am such a boring guy.... nvr ask gals out one)... there is always a reason to all the things i do... it may not seem reasonable to you but thats my way of thinking...
i nvr ask a gal out unless i am sure i wan to be with her...
i nvr chase a gal unless i tink she is the one for mi...
i dun give false hopes... i rather hurt myself than hurt the gal....(since guys are supposed to take the pain)

Today luckily got my mei to accompany mi... hah!... finally no lonely valentine...

Went to orchard to roam randomly... then watch the movie Valkyrie... not a bad movie...

she is such a different type of gal!.... she wans mi to walk on the left side only... when she shops, she wans mi to go somewhere else... she dun eat popcorn in movie..... she dun mind watching a war movie..and she is so random....=.=

nearly 3- 4 years younger than mi, but i can sense that she is gg to grow up into a mature and independent gal... very obedient...haha

she make mi realise how uncomfortable i am beside a gal and i also realise i am too easy going to the point of 'undecisive'...
ahh... tats my prob...
but... cant solve it....haiz...

i always act passively... i am not gd at talking... i am always too late for the gal i like...and thats wat Fate is ....

Quote of valentine's day;
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's 'perfect person.' It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.

anw,the rose tat i bought has withered........

There will always be TWO sides to everything..

2009-02-12T06:36:00.000-08:00

There must always be a loser to hav a winner... there must be bad times to contrast out the good times... there must be sadness before u noe wat is happiness... Comparsion is how humans dictate the two sides of everything....
ok... put it simpler.... if you hav a very lousy object.... and the person next to u is holding is a worse object, then yours naturally become a 'good' one...
see wat i mean... the two sides.... this explains a lot of things...
most importantly... it explains something i hate abt human nature... we tend to take things for granted... because we haven experience the absence of our blessings...the 'negative'side...

you must endure famine and dehydration before you truely understand how precious food nad water is...

you hav to become old or dying before you know how short and fragile our lives are....

u hav to lose someone before u truely understand how much she or he meant to you...

i bet a lot of ppl noe this... but we tend to ignore this... we are such naive creatures to tink that the negative side will nvr happen to us... but ... it will

this is just a reminder to those who are taking things for granted and those who knew and forgot...(myself included)

the closer i am , the more i feel lik i am losing it...

Army red!

2009-02-05T14:47:00.000-08:00

the opposite of army blues... someone taught mi this new term...haha...

yest i had a bad dream.... but dream will always end.....

White purity

2009-01-28T05:35:00.000-08:00

i always wanted to have a full set of white clothing from head to toe... i always thought white is a true symbol of purity .... but i just cant get all.....
haiz...
and i realise how easily white can get stained..... this shows how easily humans can get corrupted... we just lik a piece of paper... as life goes on, we add colours to the paper without realising we are destroying the white....the purity we ought to have.....

nvm... soon i will get my white clothing....(dun mind the crap i hav just wrote)

cny is gg to be over.....so sad..... then next week i am gg back to tekong...

cant even stay in mainland for a longer time... sianzzzzz....

life just hav to go on.... my frens out there are the only indication that my life is not tat boring after all....

funny memories.....i love funny moments... good things dont last.... thats y i treasure laughter and humor....

HAHA.... Dun worry!.. Be happy!...(my bro fav line)....

Switching

2009-01-27T06:57:00.000-08:00

it is a tedious effort to switch between civilian mode and army mode... two worlds apart... and within a snap of finger, u need to change back to army mode....SIANZZZZZ....
tomm booking in.... army blues....
more and more frens are entering the army world...
it is lik a rpg game which u cannot quit... choosing of classes of the character is partly ur will... and partly not... 2 years period....HAHA... so sad...

Back again!

2009-01-26T02:38:00.000-08:00

i am not that happy even though i already one big step closer to commisioning.... i know....
i'm already gladful that i make it to now...
i could hav died from the scorpion bite in Thailand... yesh scorpion bites are damn painful... very...
i dont noe wat went through my mind when i was stung.... perhaps my body knew that i haven reach the end yet.... maybe...
but it was a gd thing that i was fine... the scorpion is quite small... ard one finger length size... light brown in colour....

now back to topic why i am not happy...

i slowly hate the change in me... i hav grown selfish to protect myself and eroded my own morals and principles to survive.... i can sense that i hav given myself many reasons for the negative side of mi...
but
help mi choose.... suffer in light or thrive in the dark??

i am protective of myself... the very trait that saved mi and destroyed me....

it is an instinct....

if u all feel the change in me.... give mi some time to revert back...

Farewell erm the second time....

2009-01-02T21:07:00.000-08:00

HAHA... to cut short........ just look at the farewell msg i wrote when i left for Brunei... haha... ya la ... i very lazy la...

i will be gg to Thailand for three weeks(dun miss mi too much ar)....LOLOLOL!

yup another torture....

once i come back.. most of the hell has passed... not all anw...

after watching Ipman, really inspired to learn wushu back...

haha... but really too long nvr go back learn le...

The Alchemist- my philosophy

2008-12-31T23:35:00.000-08:00

If anyone read this book before, you find it inspiring or boring.... i haven read finish the book but i already saw wat i need to see in the book...
The Alchemist...
it is abt a sherpherd boy who dreams of travelling the world to seek the most wonderful treasures .... but he encounters a alchemist that changes his fate...
i do not really care about how the story goes.... but i am more concerned with the philosophies of life potrayed....
many ppl found it inspiring... but i dun... cause the philosophy it showed was exactly wat i hav in mind for very long... i hav tot of all this before or this is wat is exactly happening to mi...... but somehow... it just doesnt last long in my memory... cause life just keep gg on that you dun really tink sometimes...

qoutes from the book that particularly affected mi...

--->The World Greatest lie-- At a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate...

(then i realised i hav been lying to myself all this while when things arent gg the way i want it to be..... maybe you too.....)

--->Destiny is what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone , when they are young, knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. they are not afraid to dream and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them it will be impossible for them to realise their destiny....

(does this relates to you ??? it does apply to mi... very strongly)

(now this is the more impt part)

the mysterious force is a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to realise your destiny. it prepares your spirit and your will, because there is one great truth on this plant: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it is because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It is your mission on earth.

(dun believe i tot of this before?... look at my previous blog entry(sep)-- 'it is simple isnt it'..."i was born for a purpose............this world is waiting for mi to do something"...... true?????)

by mh ' watever setback that doesnt kill you make you stronger'

(haha.... read on)

To realise one's destiny is a person's only real obligation. All things are one. And when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it...

(hope it is true... perhaps thats why i managed to make it to uni and ocs...)

--->it's principle of favourability. When you plays cards the first time, you are almost sure to win. Beginner's luck.... there is a force that wants you to realise your destiny; it whets your appetite with a taste of success...

(haha... yup ... i agree totally)

i don't live in either my past or future. i'm interested only in the present. if you can concentrate always on the present, you will be a happy man..... life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we're living rite now.....

(ya... so be happy)

The main highlight:
it's easy to understand that someone in the world awaits you, whether it's in the middle of the desert or in some great city. And when two sunch people encouter each other, and their eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant.There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everythinig under the sun has been written by one hand only . It is the hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one's dreams would have no meaning.......

I AM NOW WAITING FOR MY TWIN SOUL TO APPEAR IN MY LIFE...

i am waiting....

where are you??

Thailand

2008-12-27T20:31:00.000-08:00

Haiz. overseas trip again... very sianz.... i will miss my home again...
now gg to be 2009... then shortly after it is 2009... i will be on a plane gg to the renyao land...

then i hav to stay there for three long weeks..... doing missions after missions....
sure tired until .... until...... aiya no word can describe la....

now i am just looking forward to the new yr day and ENJOY.....

i am very very sry for those ppl whom i pang sei becos of army.... those class gathering.... outings.... fren tok cork session....comic meeting....

i am sry for not having time for all this...

and sometimes got time but no money....
not literally no money la...
is i overspent wat i am supposed to...
haiz....
hopefully when i come back from thailand... life will be much better ....
hope stress flies away....
anw.... yay .... i not appt holder anymore.... YES!!!!!!....HAHAHA....

u guys wont noe how long i suffered when i was a appt holder....haha.....

3 months and 2 weeks... i record holder sia.....WAHAHAHA!...

lol...i having some kind of pre exercise go-mad syndrome.....

lol... watever....

anw.... anyone wans anything from Thailand??... perhaps a ren yao.... or tom yam soup..... HAHAHA....

see you guys again on CNY... tats when i will be free.... once again...haha...

Pathetic Christmas

2008-12-24T04:43:00.000-08:00

Today is Christmas eve... was glad to be home... went walk walk in pasar malam... sooo long nvr do tat le.... alone but kind of fun ......

haiz.... tomm is christmas.... not tat it i am those kind tat celebrate christmas.... but i do lik the atmosphere...... haiz.... then i got to go camp...ON CHRISTMAS!
i always hav nothin to write on my blog... becos.. it has been taken over by Army which will be a repeat cycle of stuff that nvr ends... routine routine.... even getting screwed by instructors become more of a routine... a way of life... pathetic....

and i am flying AGAIN....... to the land of ren yaos..... i mean Thailand.... haha....

not even prepared....

sure screw up when we reach there...

aiya... dun care le la...

hope i can go thru everything smoothly(must be the xxxxxxx times i said this).... everything has settled peacefully ..... for now.....

for now...

anyway somehow i got inspiration for my comic ..... but no time to do....argggghhhhhhh....

Block leave!!!! YAY!!!

2008-12-13T22:18:00.000-08:00

Finally got a week of civilisation ....they cheated my leave...but who cares....
Haiz... got lots of things need to do sia...
Army just spoils ur holiday mood... and i am having money prob.. spend too much... but i hav no choice.. they are lik MONEY suckers...haiz...
One more batch of officers commissioned le... saddening for us... three more months sia... say long not long say short not short.... damn irritating ....

i wonder if i hav the chance to commission as well... the chance to be saluted....haha...dream on..... that dream three months away... it is hard to tide thru....

Having gastric prob recently... vommited lik a merlion sia.... haiz... eat too much junk food maybe... stomach cannot take it...

now i really wish to take my mind off Army stuff and live my life in peace...

Survivor of the past- the nine heavens of each day.....

2008-12-06T22:43:00.000-08:00

I PASSED JCC.... proudly..... the 9 days.... unforgettable... dangerous... life threatening... reached my limits... a lot of things happened... i was glad to make it back safely.... very glad.

tis time it was no child play... i didnt expect it to be as hard as wat they describe.... maybe it is particularly hard for mi and my team...

the 9 days were the hardest days of my life until now.... still impressed that i pull it thru...i can say i EARNED my badge

this time it is 50% luck...50% perseverance... no more no less....

i climbed countless mountains, rigdelines ,ravines....
i crossed countless streams and swam a river....
i navigate thru the endless jungles...
i endured night after night of rain...
i bathed in mud and soil and nothing else....
i eat little to none for everyday...
i ponder every second how to push on... i was lost for many times...
i made decisions every minute....

and i survived by mere will and perseverance as the rain continues to pour on...

the 9 days taught mi abt many things...

i learnt to appreciate and treasure things better....

everything is possible if u really really persevere at ur limits...ur real limits...

i will just say abt the most interesting parts thru out the 9 days... too much to cover....

one of the days, i led the team to cross a river valley thrice before we found wat we want...up down up down up down....
the third time i pushed my team to cross the stream ....
i tot i saw a instructor sleeping on a hammock on top of a slope .... with great excitement ,
i gathered them and scale the knoll......... hope is high... we were lost for 1 hr alrdy... time is short... all of us pin our hope on this checkpt..... HIGH hopes.....
then....

then....

then it was just a tree vine!!!!!!!!! TREE VINE!!!!!!!! A FREAKING VINE!!!!!!.....

morale>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>
>
it rocketed deep into abyss....
i was devastated.. i gave them hope... false hope... hallucination... i gave up....

then

THEN..... one of my fren went forward a bit to see and ...............

we found the checkpt!!!...

unbelievevable.... luck.... all luck... LUCK!

still got lots more to say BUT gotta do somethings else... other interesting parts.... nxt time i slowly write in....

TO BE CONTINUED....

Farewell...

2008-11-17T23:18:00.000-08:00

Bye guys... see ya in 3 weeks time...

Before its too late...

2008-11-16T00:56:00.000-08:00

Watched Madagascar 2... it was quite funny... miss laughter sia...
lol... its amazing how they can make animation so touching and funny...
hope i can do that...
Drawing is a talent.... many ppl tot so... but i didnt... i tot its just about putting wat you wan to see onto a piece of paper...simple...

but yest, i tink hard abt how to teach ppl how to draw... then i realise i cant... drawing is lik an instinct... if that day i can draw well, i can... if i cant ,it means i cant...

so i presume thats a talent?!.... i should be content with wat i hav....life is amazing.

thats a lot a lot of things that i dun noe... i lack foresight lik most of us... sometimes i just try too hard trying to understand everything...ignorance is bliss...

i will be gg Brunei for three weeks... dun even try to contact mi(dun tink much ppl will wan to find mi anw)... will be coming back on 8 dec....

ok... now for the more sensitive part....

there is a slim slim possibilty(not high) that by any chance, i may put an end to my own life in this overseas trip.... (dun worry ... i hav touched enough woods... literally)...

i dun noe y i would wan to write this but just to make sure i hav no regrets...

if... i say IF... by any bad luck that i ***, i wan to say to everyone...

i am very blissful to hav so many frens and family standing by mi thru out my life...

my life has been so interesting ...

i hav achieved a lot.... both succesess and failures...

i really tink that everything is fated... sad to say.... i do hav regrets....unfinished dreams and hope.... drawing... piano... cats...wushu....

and lastly i wont forget you... not in another 10,20 yrs...not even if i wan to....

Lost my Identity.

2008-11-14T22:32:00.000-08:00

dark skies... Omen everywhere, heavy lik a thick fog.... i feel the inevitable approaching.... i lost my 11b and camp pass in CAMP!!!!!!! wth!!!.... just before i go brunei.... fate fate fate....

i lost it in a short time frame of 15 mins... AND i cant find it..... i didnt panic as much as i tot i would... panic was sudden and short .... then i realize i lost my identity...and i fell sick... an omen....

weird instinct...ppl are OOCing one by one... all are my sispec frens and sierra frens... so whens my turn they asked me in a jokingly way...i took it seriously... soon soon i told them...

i hope that isnt true.... not true..

going Brunei in lik three days time... i am not really prepared... it happened a bit too fast... things arent gg to plan as usual...

i will trust myself and push on...

gonna enjoy myself in this few days... *cough cough*... ya rite...haha....

Months passed by...

2008-11-09T05:03:00.000-08:00

i hav survived much longer in ocs than i expected... i wented through quite a lot to get here... i am very very glad for all the support my frens and family hav given mi... i am very content alrdy... keeping pushing ur own goal.. dun give up... tats my motivation... now i leave all to fate ..

i hate human nature... i hate the way everyone get used to taking things for granted... everyone is lik tat.... including mi...
DUN take things for granted... cherish ppl, chances, opporturnities,luck, fate and everything else u are blessed with...

Nights out

2008-11-05T04:24:00.000-08:00

Today was one of the slacker day in ocs.... haha... went for a leisure swim in the pool ... for once i felt civilisation in ocs..lol... it was fun... at night, then got nights out.... BUT i didnt go out... so sianzzzzzz... now in bunk using com...
mon i slept at 2 a.m.... i tot it was very late already.... grumbling...
the next day i slept at 4 am.... WAT THE!!!!!!!!!!!!
one day worse than one...
tired...
really quite long away from peaceful life... quite....
this is a long battle...haha

Jungle...

2008-11-02T01:05:00.000-07:00

Recently i hav been living in the jungle....build shelter... build fire.... craft my own fork and spoon ... make my own spear and fishing rod... wat the hell....
i feel lik a man in the wild.... fun at first... after a while... u feel very tired....
especially when u hav to chop down trees in the middle of the night 3 ,4 a.m. just to build a animal trap...hahaha
lots of jungle experience...haha
now i am always carrying heavy load.... bet it is going to make mi shorter...lol
i wan to zzzzz.... too long nvr slp properly le... haha...today i slept until 2 pm then wake up...lol...

In army, very sianz... nothing much to write except wat i do inside... not very interesting anw...

Quote of the day:
Combat rations sucks... hahaha... no la!... not this

Faith is all about trusting urself and leaving the rest all to fate...

Having nothing is better than having something just to lose it.

2008-10-25T23:44:00.000-07:00

Time goes by day by day... numb should i say... i am so used to getting pass everyday without expecting what to achieve... i have passed all the veto factors of pro term... unbelievable..
i got gold for Ippt... i passed my SOC and SEOC with a fairly good timing.... at the tired moments of my life.... now i have to scrap through .... its hard...

i noe quite a handful of my frens must be mugging hard for A levels now... i would to wish them good luck and hope they push on and put in real genuine effort to do well.... dun ever regret what you do... choosing the wrong decisions will be something you wont want to ...

if you ask me what i am doing lately, i dont noe.... learning how to survive (in jungle)maybe.... maybe not....

i will be going Brunei soon...ard one month's time....

anwae, i want to say....
Be someone great in your life, not in the world...cause life is just too short... Too short...

nah... this not about the philosophy of life... this is about realising something that many ppl fail to see in their whole life....

Perharps sometimes having nothing is better...

Fear.

2008-10-18T00:06:00.000-07:00

I was once confident of myself...
I never doubt myself before....
I was confident that i am a good leader.. i was confident of my own fitness... i was confident of doing well in most of the things... i was confident that somethings are meant to be...i was confident that what i believe in will be true... i never fear of what i cannot do...
I was ....
not anymore...
my peers told mi i can do it..... i knew i cant.. i dont even have the confidence to try...
then i start to realise the fear in me...
i am afraid of resposibilties...of failures.. of disappointments...
i never look forward to anything.. i am scared one day i will fall...

Everybody have fear... i am sure of that...
But Army had crushed my confidence, my dream and freedom...
It taught mi something that i will never know by myself... i learnt that i am not what i tink i am.
i am learning... learning how to avoid all those challenges that again and again prove my
fallibility....

In the past , i was confident because i didnt knew where are my limits.... now i noe... and it has become a barrier...

now i am blinded by my failures.... a permanent loss of sight which gave mi my confidence...

i have lost half of the battle...

Gone.

Back to monotonous...

2008-10-04T05:00:00.000-07:00

Every book out is painful... cause it will lik drag for 2 hrs plus before we get out of the demon hands of the instructors...*Instructors:'Muahaha!!! Die under my hands!!' this must be wat they always think when they check our bunks...lol

getting a bit more accustomed to the life there.... not very gd but at least peaceful... monotonous... but again , it wont last ba...
now my life is so boring that i dun really noe wat to write for my blog...

i hav to mention that it is very pleasant when suddenly ur fren msg you or call you... at least u noe u still hav frens out there....

A lvls coming...i understand how the feeling is lik... ---> u noe it is wrong to slack now but u just cant resist... so boring to keep studying... no life lo......
sometimes u can just sit staring a particular page for 20 mins and nothing goes in... then u are frustrated with yourself... then you slack...Haha..

Dream and believe....

You hav to believe that if you believe, then what you believe will be believed to be true...

i lik gals with beautiful eyes and smile.... lik BoA...

Dun care anymore

2008-10-01T02:05:00.000-07:00

Now i am in a ' dun care' mode, now that the 'extra's are free. It is 99 % that i get it... sooner or later.... so might as well just do ur job and wait for it to come....haha

i am a boring person... suddenly someone remind mi abt this... haha...

lets analyse...
- i never really jio ppl out
- i dun noe all the hip places
- i dun noe where are gd outing places(if i hav a girlfren, she will suffer =( ...)
- i dun spend a lot of money outside
- i dun stay out late
- i dun drink
- i dun club
- i am a mommy boy( now not so much le la but still....)haha
- i dun talk a lot to girls or strangers (die liao)
- i dun expose any secrets if i dun noe u well
- i dun noe global news ( mountain tortise)
- i dun tok abt soccer (most guys topic)
- i am a conservative type of person
- not expressive
- i dun lik changes or new stuff

Conclusion: 99% boring... 1% interesting( it is interesting that i am this boring) .....

haha... oh got to book in lo... die lo...hahaha... i mean D efinitely I mplement E xtras lo.....haha

Death

2008-09-28T01:38:00.000-07:00

A meaningful paragraph------

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Life is drawing without eraser..

2008-09-28T00:52:00.000-07:00

haha... just feel that the phrase above is so true... haha... that means i must be drawing my life quite badly... too much up and downs... haha

yest went to play lan games... halfway i feel nauseous... motion sickness... first time experiencing it... weird feeling.... lucky nothing happen..

gg back to my new place(bravo wing) today... quite curious how is it lik...

today seems lik a gloomy day...

lol... i wan to ask a few questions which are quite interesting....

How long can you look into another girl/guy eyes and hold the gaze?? 2 secs?5 secs

i cant do it...haha..

sad...

Do you wan to marry ur ideal whom u cant really click well in life or...

you will rather marry someone that can click with you but is not the perfect you are looking for??

where can i find the ans??

haha...haha...

this is the most recent pic of me i can find... haha... i noe its ugly ...lol

miss the times in jc... fun class...

not to mention the five idiots with cranky ideas... haha

LAST PIC- TERRIBLE F1 ACCIDENT-haha

Bravo wing...

2008-09-26T21:36:00.000-07:00

now i shift to Bravo wing liao... heard that it is damn strict... but i dun care anymore... i gotten my three bars... haha... ooc also nvm le... just dun make mi recourse can le...haha

hav been gg out with my secondary school mates... went to top one ktv... playing with smoke and lighting... i am glad to see everyone still the same... as crazy as ever... then the ending place will always be photo taking at esplanade...haha...

lol... in ocs ... i learnt quite a few survival stuff... cruel and selfish theory...
Being generous to others is being cruel to urself...
Cover ur own ass but not others...
Be smart in talking...(i am not gd at this)...
Bootlicking gets u everywhere(never am i gg to do this)

now i am gg to pass day by day... if i still survive... woo hoooo..... i will salute myself... haha...

i am changing i feel... haha... gd or bad... u judge...=p

i wan to post photos but always no time...i wan camera phone... my mum is lik' u buy for wat???? no use wat!!!' ok i agree....HAHA...

ya... once again... i wan to thx ALL THOSE who are still supporting mi on....

THX!!!!!!!!!!!!=)

The transition...

2008-09-20T20:04:00.000-07:00

Sierra wing rocks man.... haiz next week is my last week there... so sianz... then go the toturous echo wing...

last thurs was the social nite... it wasnt too bad... but the programmes for that night was rather boring and it is almost lik LTA Lim night.... everything also got him... he dance lik errrr..... he kena all the prizes and games la...

but it was funny.....haha....

Brought my secondary fren to the social night... she never ate lunch and hav to starve for ard 5 hrs before the freaking food can be eaten(which is lik 5 m away from us only).... then she never did her math hmwk... haha...feel guilty....

then at the social night... all the yjcians gather... lol... all cluster together... arent we supposed to 'socialize'???? then the three girls went one side to hav girls tok....haha... at least the atmosphere is much more better...haha...

(erm... interesting side note... this three girls are interested in my foreign fren-hooper.... shake hands also damn happy.... haha.... anw Hooper is a nice guy)

i feel kind of ugly without my longer hair.... haha... watever.... hope i got the chance to go comms ball.... 6 more months............................................

Time passes away lik driping water

2008-09-15T20:27:00.000-07:00

damn sianz... wasting my life away in army....
i hav never slept well for ... erm....erm.... so long ago that i forgot....haha
i feel now i belongs more to the forest than urban land...haha....
keep gg outfield... the most irritating thing abt army is that they put u in a way such that you are just one boundary away from civilian life....
everyone will be navigating in the forest then suddenly someone will say...'hey see... expressway over there... haha... so near yet so far.'
or' oh ... i can see my HDB block from here'... then *snap* you are right in the middle of the forest.....
just imagine how irritating tat is....
haha...
lucky i still can use com....
or else.... siannnnnn.....

and one pt...ocs ppl are desperate a**holes....hahaha.... they are wolves in sheep clothing... all of them may seem gentlemen but some of them are SO horny and sick....haha NOT ME LA!!!!!
lol...

It is simple isnt it...

2008-09-13T19:25:00.000-07:00

i just realised how weird my whole life is.....i wondered wat i hav achieved... i tink i tot abt tis a lot of times alrdy....

i hav tasted success and failures..... it is incomprehensible how this big things just flashed past ur life and the impact is just a few days...... it just doesnt last... nothing lasts... the impossible will become possible someday... living ones will become dead eventually... the strongest will turn weak one day..... and you cant win for ur whole life..... you cant...

i am a diff kind of person i tink.... the more i wan to achieve something, the more i will lose it... it is often tat i didnt tink too much abt it, then i get it.... weird.... my successes are unexpected... i knew i fought for it... but it just doesnt feel lik i did much....

i daydream a lot since i was born... i imagine..... thoughts flood my mind... i feel diff from the rest....
i was born for a purpose.... i look at myself.... and the things i hav done... yes i tell myself i can achieve big things.... this world is waiting for mi to do something..
just when i tot tis is true, it becomes a illusion...

i am talented yet not.... ppl tell mi i can draw well... i can play piano well.. i can lead well.... sometimes i wan to believe tat... but it just not true...how abt those who can draw ,play,etc better than me.... there is always a bigger world out there.... what am i??

what i am here for??

i dont noe wat kind of person i am....i wonder how many ppl dislike mi..??...or hate the way i do things... no one is perfect.... i am definitely not anywhere near perfect...

~life~

i got a very unique idea about life .... i tink everything have life... even objects... my weird idea is that everyone u interact with or objects that u come in contact is actually urself... u are playing all the roles in ur life.... in different dimensions... all detached from each other... erm.... a bit chim rite?... ok ... to put it in simpler terms... hav u ponder abt tis qn before?? wat will i be or feel if i am not a human in the first place? for e.g.... an insect or animal... ...ya so wat i am saying is that u are actually everything in ur life...all at the same time.... all detached.... tats life.... so it is not cycle but it is a mutiple role system...

er... i tink u all must be tinking... 'huh?... wat toking u??' haha ya i tink too much..... tats y i am complicated yet i yearn for simplicity....

i hav a lot of things on my mind... i wan to say out but...... i cant express myself... tats how tis blog is gg to help mi... u will see a diff side of mi.... perhaps the weaker and pessimistic one...

i AM simple ... just lik all of u all.... the diff is that i try to understand how life works...

In the end, i am lost in my own complicated world...

Are U sure of wat u are fighting for in tis world??

wats ur destination or meaning in life?? is it going to last?? no it is not gg to... there is always an end...

tats y i gg end tis never-ending qn... and get on with life... just live it thru...wat else can u do ... we are all utterly helpless in the concept of time...

simple isnt it??

Sad Sunday morning

2008-09-13T18:57:00.000-07:00

Today is Sunday.... a happy day.... a slacking day.... a family day..... a 'sleep-thru the day' day..... then.... WHY AM I IN CAMP???????..... haha still got time to write blog somemore.... WHY???

haha... i am in camp to do the most most most lame thing in life.... to clap for ppl who are commissioning.... i am called the clapping force....LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wtf... anw hope i can slack as long as possible.... *yawn* bored......

The End is the Beginning

2008-09-13T02:54:00.003-07:00

Yay! i hav constantly dug for at least 13 hrs thru the night.... THIRTEEN HRS!!!!!! just for a 'grave' for mi to slp in and a 'human borehole' to stand in(chest lvl).... now then i noe that when u are at the most tired, the most most tired moment of ur life.... u will freeze in motion and blank off.... u can just sit at a spot for 10 mins without knowing wat u r doing.... if u close ur eyes... er... tats it... u r knocked out...hahaha....

my service term almost over... hope i make it thru and dun end lik keith...haha... it rain before my soc... chee pong then reminded mi u ooc at tis time.... same reason... same soc....
scary!!!! haha... BUT it was cancelled.....wooo hoooo

life is amazing..... noe y?.... because it is the small things that make u laugh and be happy, not the big things..... tink abt it... how many times u laugh crazyly with ur frens over the slightest things and the most ridiculous thing... i said tis because i saw my fren in the field camp tear his pants at the **** area while trying to climb out of the human borehole ..... then he prone beside wondering wat to do with his pants.... i reminded him that there is a girl cadet ard( anw the hole is damn big).... and the next thing he did was.... he started to take out black tape and start taping up the pants... first it is obscene at a particular angle and the end product was lik a ****... ( the way he tape it was stupid)LOL!!!! it is so funny that both of us laugh until wan to die....

after service term is the pro term.... more white bars =P.... but i infantry=(.... echo wing.... i hope the sir is joking with mi... i hope the posting is wrong.... i dun wan anymore digging and camou.... haiz but 99% is infantry.... i am clinging to that 1 % for as long as i can....

that y humans are weird... they noe it is impossible but they wan to cling on to the slightest possiblilty..... BUT thats wat make all the improvements and changes in life....

and i cant find a girl partner for ocs social nite..... sianzzzz..... most of u girls are either studying or busy with proj...... anyone free??.... anw i tink it is a bit too late... it is at thurs nite...

ok forget it..... lets tok abt my interests........ i haven draw, play piano , go wushu for damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn long alrdy....... haha.....if i got time to do all tis, that means my life is back.... i am still waiting.... still........

Sierra Wing

2008-09-06T20:35:00.000-07:00

now i am in ocs sierra wing... life is still ok la... tough but not toturous.... haha... BUT i ate combat rations on my birthday...... YUCKS!!!!!!!!!....hahaha.... went to celebrate with my jc frens...hahaha... third time..... two cakes one candle..... small cakes with big meaning...haha

next week.... field camp again ... cannot slp again... haiz... got to dig dig dig and dig... y do i sound more lik a farmer....haha....6 more months.....arrrggghhh

lol.... i am just a simple guy with simple thoughts.... dun give mi such complicated life ok!.....

looking forward to the next book out...erm book out....wat a faraway dream....haha

a qoute:
Believe in yourself is equal to the whole world believing in you.

-by mr lamer a.k.a xr
lol

Another turning point in life-----O C S.....

2008-08-23T23:20:00.000-07:00

From BMT, i missed the chance of gg into ocs.... i entered Sispec.... to be a future sergeant.... i tot that was fixed... and then they gave the opportunity to step into ocs.... i hesitated....
In my bunk , there was a person that wanted to go ocs badly.... he was trying very hard and he certainly has the ability to go....when he knew that i can go ocs... i could feel a tinge of anger and jealousy.... i didnt get gold for IPPT and i failed soc.... he got both.... i tried Ippt for 4 to 5 times and i didnt get gold.... many a times i was tinking if i was snatching his lifetime opportunity... am i selfish?... in the end , i passed soc and i got in.... OCS... a new and rather scary place... i am excited and apprenhensive at the same time.....
Can i make it? Am i the person to be a officer?
i dun noe....

but i noe.... yes i noe a lot of ppl are standing behind me and supporting mi.... i know i cannot disappoint them.... i cannot.... my BMT frens.....my Bslc frens..... my jc frens..... my secondary frens.... my sergeants..... my family......... and myself.....

i am trying my best...... but it is hard to stand alone.....against all challenges....

forgive mi if i fail.... if i make it...... it is all ur credit.... all of u all....

after next week of tekong field camp , i will be gg to safti mi.... and then it starts.....

i will fight.... yes pain is temporary and pride is forever.....

hope is a waking dream....

someone....just someone..... Teach mi how to soar without wings.... how to shine without light.... how to live without my frens ard mi..... how?

8 months..... i will pull thru?....

OCS....

Last week of BSLC

2008-08-10T04:03:00.000-07:00

Three days rest.... wasted rather a lot of time... later booking in.....

i hope i got posted to somewhere good .... somewhere peaceful...

somewhere less stressful.....

watched money no enough 2.... rather touching.....

Army... haizzzz.... nvr ends.....

got to book in liao... next time then write longer.....

Tears are meant to be shed

2008-08-02T20:26:00.000-07:00

i just came back from field camp..... slept less than 10 hrs in four days.... the most interesting part of this field camp is WILD BOAR vs TRAINEEs.... on the third night..the last night
wild boars came to attack our habour base... we fought with a wild boar the whole night until 3 am...
i was armed with a torch light and night vision goggles(nvg)..becos i am a medic... so i do not have bullets to shoot them.... i was the 'eye' for them.. bullets fly.... chaos everywhere... light shining in the dark night.... with the NVG, i hunt for my nemesis in a greenish vision(totally lik SWAT team)..... once a while, you will hear'Wild Boar!' and then a few shots in the direction of torch... then the cracking of branches.... the anti climax part is that the wild boar is not even afraid of the sounds... anw our bullets dun kill but create loud sounds.... the wild boar went ard our base, threatening to enter... until 3 am,, then there was peace...... it was still there... sleeping somewhere nearby..............

ok thats all....haha ... interesting right?.... but it ws so tiring... so tiring...

For this blog entry, i am gg to talk something everyone is familiar with--- Crying...

dun worry , This has nothing to do with me... just suddenly has inspiration abt it.....

i just feel that crying is a privilege, not a sign of weakness....

babies cry, grown up ppl are not supposed to... why?... becos we are not weak?...
in times of desperation, we cant cry... we swallow the tears...we bite the sorrow...we bear the pain... Man cant cry.... it is not a show of strength... but it is a torture...a forced barrier against sadness...

when we meet a problem, we cant cry lik kids and it will be solved... crying cant solve anything...

how i hope one day, everyone could just cry lik kids and release all their sorrows and sadness... let all their emotions flow out....

crying is a privlege to girls and kids.... man cant cry.... just think... guess how many man has fought against crying when they reached their limits?.... imagine how painful it is when you hav to swallow all the tears and pull through? some girls may not understand... some may....

Cry.

Nightmare...

2008-07-26T05:34:00.000-07:00

i am more than half way thru bslc.... it definitely pass very fast but it is very tiring... just imagine ... i went to live firing until 4 am..... then slept 5 am.... ppl revelie.... i lights out....HAHAHA... a bit weird... then after that got guard duty... it almost took my life la....

today book out.... went home.... looking forward to a long sleep... was dozing off to lala land....zzzzzz.....THEN.... my phone rang....mj...... THEN.....i am out again....haha

At first we say want to go sing k.... then change to bowling... then become arcade then become lan.... in the end we play lan for a while then go tok cork... simple outing .....

Once again they were talking about relationships and girls.... me..... i got nothing to talk about.... i am a free man......

Am i lonely? ..... i tot so..... maybe yes... maybe no..... ok this is wat i feel.... sometimes i board MRT or bus or just strolling a pavement by myself... then i saw a guy and a girl together...a couple.... they were just holding hands looking at each other tenderly.... simple happiness..

i hav to admit.... envious.... a bit of jealousy.... i began to ask myself,' why is this not happening to me?' i doubt myself.... then sad for a moment.... does anyone feels this way before??

i believe i am just not cut out to love someone..... at least i hav to learn how.....

arrggghh..... not this topic again... ok...

my expenditure every month overshot my expectation..... argh money.....

next week grand slam
camou,combat rations and no rest.... sianzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

At the very least, things are going according to plan....

at least......

Sometimes things just dun go ur way

2008-07-19T20:22:00.000-07:00

yesterday i went out with mj, keith , jerome and edward to watch movie.... batman the dark knight..... at first, i tink the movie sucks .....the first part was so boring(batman blurry fighting) and meaningless... until the last part where the two boats of civilian and prisoners didn't blow each other up.... if only this world is so good as portrayed... and batman become a dark knight as he sacrificed himself to make the world a better place .... heros dun always become heros in the end... heros dun always have pride and glory... reality is cruel.... to be a real hero, sometimes things just cant go ur way.... sacrificial is inevitable... this movie sets me tinking for a while...

after the movie, we went to serangoon garden to eat... chong chong.... nice food over there...

i am now trying to make my life as smoothsailing as possible.... no more up and downs... as least not now.... but things just dun go ur way....haha haha haha(bitter)

Change is constant

2008-07-13T04:09:00.000-07:00

Finally i got to update my blog.... i hav survived three weeks of sispec... everyday sleep 4 hrs... tired and half dead.... dun really wish to talk abt my army life...

i came back on sat ... went out with my fren today to watch red cliff... so stupid ... still got second episode.... then i went to see my jc frens... the 4 musketeers(dun noe whether spelled correctly)...

now that i went through a shitty army life... it taught me something....

if you hav went through the worst , everything will be better in comparison....

Things you take for granted.... you will treasure them more.....

my time is short(so is my hair).... so i willl end this entry rather short...

today i saw one girl that look very very familiar... wanted to call her but didnt ....

regreted..

i changed.... i look at life from another perspective... no more negative.....

somebody msg me today... got a shock...i was glad anw...

A purpose in life

2008-06-28T20:11:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHA!!!!! i survived first week of sispec... i now in golf coy... one word-----siong

Booked out on fri

yesterday, i went to Singapore Toy and Comic convention....Wonderful!!!!..... there is a lot of interesting stuff there for those who like manga, comics, hip toys... Most importantly , i found opportunities of life there, a rare chance to put my comic group on a realistic platform and carry us to a higher level....

i hav to start to put in effort for my comic.... it is a chance where i cannot miss.... its my purpose in life..........

i need money to do so..... tats the prob now... the only prob....

HAHA.... anw today i hav to go back to camp again... i hope sispec will be easy to survive thru....

one last thing, anyone wan to sponser me for comic..... tell me....Hahaha.... jk la... nobody would.....

but anyone thinks they can draw and be lame.... contact me....

Last day

2008-06-22T06:26:00.000-07:00

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! i went to watch kungfu panda le.... finally.....
a very nice show.......... damn funny.......

tomm will be gg to pasir leba camp le...haiz..... hope time pass faster....
life is going on a slow and boring pace..........
everything is fated.... so go with it man...

suddenly tot of uni life... wondering wat is it lik......
eng is always the prob.....

Thin line between Life and Death---Patch

2008-06-21T07:26:00.000-07:00

Today is a solemn day.... Today, it marks the end of lifespan of Patch---a one yr plus old cat....

I saw the growth of Patch from a kitten to a mature cat.... from mew to meow.... from tumbling to running... from small to big...... lastly.... from life to death....

it died ard 12pm today.... it was shocking and unbelieveble....

i saw the stiff body and the half open eyes... not a gory sight but a tragic death....

Although i am not really a care taker of Patch(mine is Ginger), i still feel sad and pity for her... i fed her nuggets, carried her, washed her as she meows,comfort her when she is startled.... she slept in my lap once.... i saved her from a flooding drain... dried her when she is wet...fed her when she is hungry...

Cats have no concept of Death.... a blissful ignorance.... i am not greatly affected by her death... but i will always rmb Patch... To meng , elsa and new care takers who are Patch care taker, dun feel too sad....

i will like to thank Patch who accompany mi through my jc years and gave mi lots of joy....

Hope u found ur kitty palace in ur heaven....

Here are the photos of Patch as a memorial.... the first pic is a pic of her sleeping on fur-covered cushion.. the second is a pic of her fighting with her siblings to drink water... the third is a pic of her 'dun let the cat out of the bag" pic....lastly, the pic is Patch sleeping peacefully on my lap for the first time.... hope she sleeps peacefully now and forever...........

No longer the man i was

2008-06-19T18:35:00.000-07:00

i changed.... i am not sure yet....
i have grown more physically fit but i lost stamina,speed, jumping ability(less agile).

i have become more independent but i lost my ground to stand on.

i have more frens but less close frens.

i am not lame anymore, i lost my humor.

i lost inspiration and drive for my hobbies.

sounds bad......anyway there is nothing i could do abt that....today is my posting day... later(10 more mins) i will check and put it down in this blog.

Let me review my whole life, from the day i was born
-i was a top student when i was pri 1 and 2, excelling in everything
-afterwards my eng grades drops
-i won first in a math and science quiz
-i participated in math olympaid
-i was very interested in spiders....the biggest i caught is the size of a big eraser.
-in secondary,eng drops until bottom line
-join ncc, became a staff sergeant, tekan sec one students.
-play basketball with a grp of frens.
-nothing interesting except for a failed attempt at chasing a girl
-fail my o lvl eng.....depressed....................
-went to ajc for three months(fav school at that time)
-fell all the way to yjc
-at first was sad
- den realise got CATS(they are seriously one of the best things that i ever cherish)
-den join wushu and become the captain
-won silver and bronze medal for grp events
-academic wise-- nothing to say except maybe my bio was not bad... didnt get into h3, failed application
-won gold award for elementz--bio project(wonderful achievement)
-abt girls--- nothing much to say, time is too short to notice or do anything
- mostly cats make up 70% of my jc life.
-the other 20% is PIANO
- got three to four piano in yj, i learnt how to play myself and copying others.
- i am slightly musically inclined.
-a lot of ppl are amazed by how i learnt, it is all abt 1 % of talent and 99% of hard work and practice.
-thus nvr regretted getting into yj though my results became quite bad.
-life isnt abt studying only
- then ns.....
-botak
-2 months of sufferings---get to noe a bunch of crazy frens
- i changed, i failed, i stand on my own
-----the rest is up to me and fate.....

well i checked and i got into sispec.... oh no i am a sgt.....
haha.... a bit sad that i didnt got into ocs but it is ok la...

u lose some , u gain some...

2008-06-18T21:48:00.001-07:00

erm went outing with my sec frens... went to minds cafe... once again , screams fly...HAHA... went to eat fish.... went to pub

erm abt my title... i just tink it is 100% true.... comment if u wan....

5 days away from hell...

2008-06-17T01:27:00.000-07:00

this few days i didnt really got a gd rest... went out for most of the days.. hung out with my jc frens... meng,keith , mj and his india fren... HAHAHA...

---activities accomplished- swimming,drawing,watching movie(the incredible hulk),playing psp, watching comic, playing ps 2, talk cork with frens,using com

---activities failed-KUNGFU PANDA(nobody wan watch with me).....sobbb, eating things that i lik(got sore throat---arrrrgggghhhh), wushu chalet(flu....)

a lot of ppl say i emo.... this blog very emo.... maybe it is..... cause ns ba... plus i lost a of things after i entered ns... the most impt one--'freedom'

ok i try to be more positive...

the bad pts that i was saying previously maybe wasnt that bad..... cause it is lik a lot of ppl also lik tat...

i found out that i tot i knew a lot... but i dun....

i tot i was gd at a lot of things... but i am not......

i am quite short tempered when i am tired...

ok thats the negative part.. erm... hmmmmm...er..... i cant find anything positive... except that i managed to enter nus and i got lots of wonderful frens ard me...

ok la... cant really tink of anything positive to write... others are negative....

Nothing lasts... gd or bad?

POP Lo!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-06-11T23:00:00.000-07:00

i bet all of my ns frens(those same batch as me one) are enjoying right now... haha hav fun.... BMT finished lo... i am not really damn happy cause still another two yrs to go ...

My BMT is not spectacular nor very fun... cause my zulu company is the last alphabet company, the last company to finish the schedule of training, the last in drill squad, the last in games day, the last to POP, the last to leave tekong after POP.... in short , the last.....

i didnt perform as well as i tot... didnt expect myself to fail soc...

demoralising company-- sergeants f***k you every now and then... reasonable or unreasonable... our morale was low even before POP... tekan you mentally....

BUT all is over...

ok off with the ns part..
i wan watch kungfu panda... i wan to hav a gd laugh... i miss laughing....

i am free..... lets hope i spend this ten days fruitfully and carefully....

Drawing seems so stranger now... so distant... i wan to hav inspiration for drawing.

anw anyone wan to tok , come out,play, emo, draw, sporting, u are welcome to find me.....
if i am free........... i will join you....

a qoute from my ns fren-- we dun live in a perfect society...none of us is perfect...

after i entered ns, i discovered more and more bad pts abt myself..... hard to change overnight...
but i will try....

Stand on my own

2008-05-31T22:20:00.000-07:00

now in ns... carefully wasting my life.. haha.. notice the pathetic meaning...

i have never push the limit of my body to such heights.

i pulled through.

i passed each passing day.

i cherish every second.

i cherish everyone.

i cherish myself.

The farther i go, the farther the road seems to stretch.

i will endure.

endure.

when will it end ?

NUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-05-24T21:41:00.000-07:00

i hav finally made a choice... nus.... lets hope i dun regret the choice tat i hav made.. dun ever look back... my fren told mi so... haha...

I WILL NOT LOOK BACK...........

(unless behind got chio bu) hahahaha

monotonous life

2008-05-24T03:10:00.000-07:00

today went to nus open house for science faculty... saw pam... she entered the life science course.... nus is so stressed. the honours so hard to get... they 'make sure' you get first or upper 2nd class honurs.... or else no hav... siao one
then still must do general edu, singapore studies... sianz... i getting more and more 'no life'...

dun even hav money to go out with frens... i am even doubtful abt the ability of my parents to pay for uni studies... i hav to be independent now.....
i wan to get in touch with all frens... but dun noe who to start with..

To all who are still studying, i hav to tell you all something--- the world outside is vast and realistic... it is something that you haven quite imagined... maybe some noes.... but ya it is kind of scary... cause you hav to stand on ur own feet... u hav no one to rely on... once you realise that, you feels lost and alone.....haha... i am getting that feeeling already... i AM out of my comfort zone alrdy...

now i am quite used to botak le... for those who still trying hard to imagine my botak head... dun bother.. it is not tat interesting... sry to disappoint you... HAHAHA.... now i am going to start a new profile of me... i feels the same...
i am trying to 'leave' my vulgarities in ns.. gets kind of short temper sometimes... a new me?!.... HAHA dun noe.. but one thing i noe, i MUST remain positive.... MUST......

GINGER!!!!!!! kind of miss you.. tooooooooo long nvr see you le... guess you forgot abt mi... for those who dun noe, ginger is a cat and not who you tink she, he or it is.... HAHAHAHA

Precious time.

2008-05-23T07:30:00.000-07:00

Booked out today... damn tired... i kind of sianz alrdy... now i miss a lot of things.. my time is so so limited.. i wan to go out with my frens, i wan to see cats , i wan to go wushu, i wan to go comic meeting, i wan to slack, i wan to slp, i wan to excel...... haiz... now even use com also no time... now using this small little amt of time to write something... guesss this blog stagnant too long.. one month i was so worried that i cant get into uni...
now i got in to both for the same course in nus and ntu...
damn irritaing.. i seriously dun noe wat to choose.. it is hard ok... then now still need to worry abt ns... i am interested to be pilot... haha just a dream, hard to get in and it is 10 yrs....lolololol... hope to see many of my frens .. guys or girls.. now i book out ... 80 % of the time is rest.. too tired to do anything... no money also... ARGHHHH... hahaha.. i miss laming , basketballing and pianoing as well... in short , i am ind of sick of ns life.. but no choice , got to finish it.

New Me

2008-04-30T05:59:00.001-07:00

Second book out.... the first book out very rush... dun even hav time to blog... so second book out then write.... today i went to discovery centre together with ns idiots... HAHA... so many yrs later i find myself back in discovery centre again... HAHA... very sianz.... worse than i thought... look interesting when actually it is not....
guess you tinking how i look lik now??????
An indian without hair ....HAHAHA... simply botak...
ns is better than i tot.... my platoon slack but fun... a bunch of crazy freaks...
very happy that i got 4 days out
HAHAHAHA...
finally free... then... next week confine.... diao....

Last Post

2008-04-10T22:05:00.000-07:00

Tomm will be a new beginning le...Haha... a lot of you want to see mi botak... well you got it....lol...

Anwae ,the post below is the longest post ever... it will be the first and last time ....

i want to say... take care everyone... haha....

Lost love- 执著也是一种痛苦

2008-04-10T07:33:00.000-07:00

Today is a very special day. A turning point of my life. A major step towards a better me. Today is the day before i enter NS. And, today is also the birthday of a girl that i fell in love with around five years ago.

A lot of you did not know much about the girl that i am talking right now. Maybe except one or two only. The reason i finally want to talk about it is bacause it is going to become a mere history in my life.It is time to let go. I bet the girl did not knew she make such a big impact on me.

Like everyone i wasnt clear about what it is about to like somebody. Until i met her. I met this girl when i was secondary two. It was on a flagday where the whole entire secondary two and three level took part in collecting donations. Then i was appointed to go northpoint to collect donations. I walked around northpoint trying to find a suitable spot. Then, i saw my fren at the bus interchange near the elevator.He then told me that there are two girls which are 'bloodsuckers'. Haha he meant that they are very good at attracting the aunties and uncles to donate money. I was curious to see who these two girls were.

Then the two girls came. I was attracted by one of them and i knew it was kind of love at first sight ba. Somehow i was aware of nothing but her. Then, we start to compete for doantions. I hope time will stop for that moment. They went off eventually to other places. My fren left too. But i was kind of sure she will come back again. After a long time, just before the flagday event was ending, her fren and her really came back! Well i was obviously happy.It was maybe the happiest moment of my life. After the Flagday event, i never thought that we will see each other again. Then, i saw her when i was going up on an elevator and she going down on the opposite side. We had a second of eye contact and it feels lik drama to me. Then, i decided it was fate.

It was school holidays after the flagday and guess it was the first time i hate school holidays. After school reopen, i tried all means to get near to her. Ya nearly all means ba, even some are dumb i think. We were kind of surface frens all along. She wacked me playfully on the head with a badminton racket before but i didnt felt any pain , instead i was happy she was smiling at me.

I noticed her everytime. I played basketball with her and went to the same basketbal court everytime to see if she was there. I try to be more courageous and get to know her better. But i couldnt. I cant seem to speak natuarally with her around. Then i heard a bad news. She has a boyfriend. Guess it was like shattering of dream and snapping me back to reality. I almost gave up on her when i saw her with his bf. I thought the word fate was just a joke.

Since then i watched her back on every morning assembly and i kind of turn my sadness into a driving force for studying. I become so familiar with her back that i can recognise her easily anywhere by her back.

During secondary three, i drew a potrait of her and didnt pass to her. I thought everything was gone until i was in secondary four. I did something i never expected myself to , never in a million years ba , given the kind of character i has. I finally gave the drawing of her to the girl!! Erm it wasnt so simple like passing a paper to anyone. I dont want to go into details. But it was worse than going through a roller coaster.

After this, i think it will be kind of clear to her that i am interested in her. Maybe it will be a nice ending to the stupid torch that i am carrying for her.haha. I went to support her at a competition and we got closer as frens. I rmb clearly every single time i met her . It is like fate toying me around. Then i found out her birthday from her. And ya i bought her a present which took me lik days to pass to her. It was hard to pass presents to her. Very hard. Another roller coaster ride. But, i did it and the simple word of ' thanks' i got from was a better return than anything.

After midyear exam in secondary four, i finally choose to end it. It is tiring, far too tiring to carry a torch for her for so long. On 22nd of May 2005, i confessed my love to her. Well, not face to face, cause i am not that brave. I send her a mms. It is worse than waiting for school results. I planned to confess long ago. Because in her present, i already hidden a msg that i like her. It was a bottle of stars that i pass to her. Inside the bottle, all the stars are the same colour except for the one which carries the msg. It was a rainy day when i send her the msg. I expected to be rejected since she is rather popular among guys and i merely one of them.

Then the day after, she replied saying she already has a person she likes. Ya i am mentally ready to accept the bad news. But, it just doesnt help. I was depressed. Very depressed. I saw her in school again after a few days. Her eyes told me that she want to say something to me but i avoided it. I maintained contact with her , hoping to be frens, normal frens. And ya , how good i am lying to myself. I saw her countless times after i was rejected. A deepening to my wound.

After prelims i thought i will never see her again. And guess what, we went to the same jc for first three months. She even smiled to me when i met her in Ajc. Ya it is like fate and yet a cruel one.

What's worse than that... i failed my eng in o lvl and i couldnt study in ajc anyone. That was the lowest point in my life. THE LOWEST. i couldnt study in my favourite school anymore, and i couldnt see her anymore. I am supposed to glad that i do not need to face her anymore but i was sad.

You know what.. when heaven want to toture you, it certainly can. When i was in yj, I STILL SEE HER!!... this is the best prove of the fate i shared with her. She lives opp yj. LOL!... Everytime she is late for school, i will see her. I got off the bus at the bus stop she board the bus. She board the bus when i get off. funny ar. Many times i see her flash pass me. A split second where my heart stops and beat furiously. haha. kind of miss that feeling. Yup i see her everynow and then when i was in yj. I saw her anytime and and anywhere. Serious. Met her when i think of her. FATE. i hate that word now. I saw her when i go home through northpoint, i saw her at colours award giving ceremony, i saw her at a opposite bus stop when i was waiting for bus outside yj, .........

ya... i like her alot... maybe until now... i am not sure.... i like her eyes, her smile, her voice.... but we are not fated to be together. i stopped thinking of her in j2 and i didnt meet her as often as before. It is like slowly fading away.Now... its gone... It is a wonderful memory now. A history.

I was interested in someone when i was in jc.. it is nice to know her... i knew i have a chance to be with her if i try hard enough .But i didnt, i was hestitating and missed the short window of time where we can get closer. I guess i was afraid of failure again and i think i am not a good enough guy for her. Sorry. i didnt cherish the chances. i am not sure whether she will like me too. yea i athink we are compatiable. I always cant speak or act natuarally in front of girls i like. Now we are just frens.. ya again.. i hope i can turn back the time and try harder... i regret i didnt try... i think i already lost her....
i am just a useless guy after all, dont you agree?

Fate is a weird thing. Now i am trying to change myself, using NS as a starting point. i want to be a guy who cherish his chances and opporturnities. Awaiting a new me. Awaiting a new beginning.

Don't think about the past, don't think about the future , think about now.

命运就像一个大圈子，不管怎么走，都会回到原点。一切都早已注定，何必太过执著。

Wushu

2008-04-07T21:33:00.000-07:00

Now, the current yj wushu team are having their competition. i wan to wish them luck for the rest of their competition.
Anyway i found videos of my wushu performance at the wushu competition last year. HAHA... a bit funny now when i look at it.. really not very good.

i got seventh position. it is better than nothing. HAHA. i will uload rest of videos next time ba... so slow sia...

BoA

2008-03-31T22:54:00.000-07:00

haah... i finally bought BoA The Face album... After soooooo long... hahaha.... nice songs in there... Bet a lot of ppl wonder why i like to listen to songs that i dun even understand. hmmm first of all... her album got translation of her lyrics and thus you can understand what she is singing... but thats is not the main reason...lol

i like her because she is a very good example of success in life.. haha... she is 3 years older than me and see how much she achieve.... she is a worldwide known singer... and not only that she is a very capable and talented woman... Guess what... she knows four languages-- korean ,jap, eng and chinese... unbelievable...hahaha ... she not only can sing but she can dance very well... i mean very very very well....top it off... ya la.. she is very pretty... lol... but the main point is she shows everyone that as long as you develop your own talents and potential... you will succeed...

next time i shall upload her songs on this blog and you see if the songs are as nice as i said...

Basketball

2008-03-27T22:56:00.000-07:00

Nowadays i am going to be 'housewife' soon... at home i do housechores... go market buy stuff.... HAHA just lik aunties....
yest met my sec frens to play bball again... this time we play more than talk... ya it was damn tiring...

i kind of missed school... in terms of frens, cats, piano and CCA....lol.... my frens who are in j2 must be feeling very stressed. yup lots of months to go before you all face the end of study. A LVL....hahaha....

slack at home until the point of rotting... some said i grew thinner ... did i?... later after ns, sure worse.... now my life just became a mere diversity of routes to take- ocs, sispec,infantry,armscotch,rifleman, blahblah..... HAHA

i want to play piano!!!!!! haha...

Organizing life before the botak curse comes

2008-03-25T21:32:00.000-07:00

haha.... now i trying to organize my life... finally my comic group got a blog.. (open to members only ) .. haha... rushing to finish my comic...
ya recently it has been comic comic and comic.......sian...So boring... i want buy BoA cd.. but no money... saded...
seriously i hope money drop from sky.....
haha..
rather happy that no one point out any more bad points of mine.... HAHA....
now never exercise... later go ns sure die one... haha
haiz...... so sianz....

Hope

2008-03-24T22:31:00.000-07:00

aiya... tired of counting how near i am to ns.. anw tats not a very big thing either.. now trying so hard to finish my comic drawing.... now i hav money prob...
i hav no money....
i wan $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.... haha bet i am not the only one...
i hate to work.. no... i hate to find work... ya... cause it is very troublesome....

Now i hope everything in my life goes well...
i went to sentosa with my group of sec frens on sat(over lik very long).. yup... hav great time at the beach ... we dig a 'hole' in the beach.. forgot wat it is called... jacuzee- or something... haha... very fun to hav a grp of idiots that do hard labour at sentosa beach... really fun when you hav such a big grp playing together...

luckily it rain when we are done with playing.... the shower head in sentosa toliet is a killer... literally.... cause the force of the shower head is equivalent to a shower of spikes. no more no less...
scary rite?haha... then went to eat at vivo in some uloo restaurant which is very health conscious type....haha definitely not my kind of food... and it is ex... their service CMI...
haha... fun day overall...(tired too)

Comic meeting

2008-03-23T03:54:00.000-07:00

today FINALLY got comic meeting with the grp. ( only that gf got sore eyes and cant come )... anw... once again no big progress... haiz... i having headache abt wat to do.... ns ns ns ns.... guess i just hav to accept the fact that ns did affect my life....

changing myself isnt so easy... my bad points are rather a lot.. and i bet you can add on to my list of bad points fairly easy...
i am not gd at taking criticisms...
i am very ai mian zi... man's pride prob...
i am coward in some sense...
not very resourceful guy....
cant organize things very well....
not gd at handling girls face to face(i guess some of u all noe it)....
sore loser.....
easily troubled over troubles...
selffish...
not open to others....
inconfident...
screw up things when they expect mi not to...
blah blah.... a lot.....

ya tell mi more... i dun mind .. i appreciate it... (but rmb i cant take criticisms well ... hahaha joking... throw all comments, man).... change... change.... haha.... hope so i can...

A Day Closer To.....

2008-03-20T23:53:00.000-07:00

today rain again.lol... i said this lik how many times le. lol
yest went out with ROM...haha... keith went off halfway...erm to do personal stuff... HAHAHA..

then once again mi and ming jie again...lol... AGAIN.(notice how many again i used)
haha...went to shoot basketball in arcade... managed to hit our target.. 150 shoot in...
a weird achievement....
Then two guys.... guys ar not gays...lol.... went to watch movie... call Horton... ya.... so weird..
BUT it is a good show anw...

this is the quote that is very meaningful in the movie that it is trying to bring across to audience...

A MAN IS A MAN, NO MATTER HOW SMALL HE SEEMS...

i tink that it meant a lot to those who feels inferior in this world..
every single person has their purpose in this world... just that they haven find it...

Gatherings

2008-03-19T18:52:00.000-07:00

Time is runnning short.
Yest night went to play basketball with a group of old secondary(sec 1 and 2) frens. Most of the time is spent chatting rather than playing. All of us sharing info about our own life. Erm i was talking rather little and playing more bball.HAHA.
Today morning wake up do lots of housework. Haiz. free labour for my family.

after last night gathering . today going to meet jc frens. LOL. That is provided that they didnt last min cancel the lunch meet. HAHA. Happen rather often?....dots

Then sat go meet up with secondary frens again for gathering(sec 3 and 4). HAHA. i am a busy guy with lots of gatherings. At the moment la.

Ok.this part of blog is for my comic group. WEI.... i want COMIC MEETING haha... guess they wont see this... everyone is busy... hard to find a suitable time.

i am free guy. then..... not anymore.

Rainy day

2008-03-19T01:51:00.000-07:00

Today rain damn long...
sianz
play com game the whole day and chat on msn.
HAHAHA. blessed life...
anw... today msn got stupid virus..
luckily small prob... good luck to all yjcian frens having block test ...
it is over soon...HAHAHA.
maybe not so soon.dots

Another day spent, or wasted

2008-03-16T20:23:00.000-07:00

It just another day wasted.
Today i going to apply for NUS. Percentage of getting in=?????. i dun noe too. not high . not low.

Haiz. History always repeats itself. Alvl is just a reflection of my Olvl. Sadded. Not my fault.
It seems lik i always screw up my eng exam at major exams.

maybe it is really my fault. i will never find out. But wat i feel is that it is fated. Watever u do, you cant change ur fate. BUT you can Mould ur fate. I am a person who hate uncertainties. After much thinking, i found out how to face uncertainties.

The solution is to take charge of everything , especially ur own life . Opportunities are rare even how easy they seems to come about. so wat i wan to say is cherish every chances. In EVERYTHING.
(sorry ar... if i sounded too naggy or philosophical...haha)